


Fault Lines

by ikonbias



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Childhood Trauma, Drug Use, Grief/Mourning, Gritty, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mutual Pining, Platonic Soulmates, Red String of Fate, Romantic Soulmates, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, not a slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-27
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-17 14:35:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 24,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16976400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ikonbias/pseuds/ikonbias
Summary: Repost: Lines of Fate connect everyone. Some lines get tangled. Some lines break.**one instance of nongraphic non con





	1. Dodging Street Lights

Yunhyeong wasn't actually expecting to run into anyone. Not this early hour. He was never really that good at sleeping but it was worse since he heard his neighbours fighting last week. And then the beautiful boy with sad eyes never came back. He was worried. Worried about a boy whose name he didn't even know. He always wanted to ask Bobby what it was, but Bobby's relationship with the boy and with Yunhyeong himself was complicated to say the least. 

So when he looked up at a crosswalk and saw the boy sitting on the railing of the bridge, his feet dangling towards the river below he felt surprised, a rush of happiness. Only to be swallowed by irrational panic as he saw the boy smoking. That was not a cigarette. That river was too far below. Why was he sitting like he was ready to jump?

Without waiting for the light to change Yunhyeong sprinted recklessly into the intersection. He barely heard the horns over the rush of blood in his ears. He stopped running just before he reached the boy. Not boy, he correct himself, this guy was barely younger than him if that. Only his sad eyes made him seem younger. Like a lost child. 

Yunhyeong fixed his shirt without realizing and opened his mouth to speak. The guy looked over and took a drag of whatever he was smoking. Marijuana. Yunhyeong knew the stink from Bobby. 

“You're up late,” 

“Ah yeah…” Yunhyeong stuttered out, swallowing the polite greetings was about to say. “So are you.” 

“I know you don't I?” 

“I live across the hall.” 

“That's right.” The guy said softly and leaned forward. Yunhyeong felt himself flinch forward. 

“M-my name is Yunhyeong.” 

“I know.” The guy smiled and spun around and jumped off the railing to land right in front of him. He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. “I'm Hanbin” 

Yunhyeong's heart was still pounding. Replaying in his mind what he was sure would happen. Hanbin jumping into the river. He stared until Hanbin crushed his joint onto the bridge railing and then tucked the little end into a tin he took out of his pocket. 

“Do you wanna go for coffee?” Yunhyeong said suddenly. 

Hanbin looked at him, almost alarmed. He put his tin away and shook his head. “I think I'll go sleep instead. You should too.” 

“Yeah.” Yunhyeong said as Hanbin turned away from him. “I should too.” 

Hanbin was a screw up. He was fated since since birth to be nothing but a screw up. His parents shunned him young once they figured out what he could do. He reached into his pockets and brought out a regular cigarette he had stolen from Bobby and lit it as he walked along the barren street. Not that it was truly empty, he could see the crossing lines of purple and red even now. They were always there, he couldn't trip on them or touch them. 

He wish he could hang himself with them most days.

They were connections, little lines of fate that tied two people together. As he grew he started noticing more details about them, the colours first - purple or red. Then how some connections seemed brittle. Like frayed bits of rope once strong and vibrant, left to rot in the sun until time finally snapped them. Then there were some that snapped like cable wire, a jarring disconnect that left pain and wounds in its wake. 

“Yunhyeong,” Hanbin said aloud as he looked at the sky and exhaled his lungful of smoke. 

He’d read the name on the mail slot a hundred times but never said it out loud before. Even Bobby never said it even though the bright line of purple connected him to the man across the hall. Purple. Platonic. He wasn’t sure if Bobby even cared. He didn’t care about a lot of things he used to these days. Hanbin stuffed his hands in his pocket and let the cigarette fall from his mouth. He had a couple hours before anything opened and save sleeping on a park bench he wasn’t sure what he’d do with the time. He stopped suddenly and looked over his shoulder. Yunhyeong was still where he left him. Leaning against the railing of the bridge. Hanbin’s mouth twitched a few times before he found his feet turning back towards the bridge. 

“Why not…” Hanbin sighed and sucked on his lip a bit before walking back. Yunhyeong looked surprised to see him. “Nothing’s opened this side of the city. Where did you want to go for coffee?” 

“Oh.. right.” Yunhyeong said softly, he felt himself blush looking at Hanbin. “Do you want to come over?” 

“Sure.” Hanbin shrugged. It’s not like he’d be in unfamiliar territory. Part of him even wished Bobby would see him going into Yunhyeong’s apartment. But the dirty asshole would probably just be happy for him. 

Yunhyeong kept Hanbin in his peripherals as they walked in silence. At least he wasn’t smoking now. Yunhyeong couldn’t stand the smell. They walked the few blocks to the apartment building. Yunhyeong thought absently how familiar this would be for Hanbin, only to enter somewhere completely new. Hanbin stayed quiet behind him, the type of quiet you got when talking got you into too much trouble before. Hanbin reminded him of a lost child more than ever. 

“Sorry it’s a little cluttered.” Yunhyeong said as they stepped into his apartment, he had an embarrassing amount of shoes for one person. He kicked them out of the way with a little wince. Maybe he shouldn’t have kicked the $300 pair. 

Hanbin looked around as he took off his shoes. It was cleaner than Bobby’s apartment. Obsessively so. It seemed more like the home of a working professional than the perpetual sloppy student across the hall. 

“Please, make yourself comfortable.” Yunhyeong said with a overly polite gesture to his couch. 

Hanbin wasn’t sure what to make of the guy, he was always smiling, polite. Even Bobby had never said anything but good things. He’d eaten Yunhyeong’s cooking before too. He was always bringing food over to Bobby. Hanbin was honestly stunned they’d never realised they were soulmates. But then again, platonic bonds were often less obvious to the mates. Hanbin sat in the couch and felt every second of the last 21 hours he’d been awake immediately. 

“Hanbin do you take-” Yunhyeong looked into his living room and stopped suddenly. Hanbin was already asleep. Yunhyeong smiled and turned off his kettle. Honestly he was relieved. They both needed the sleep instead of the coffee at this hour. He was unwilling to disturb Hanbin too much and draped the only extra blanket he owned over him instead. 

“What are you thinking Song Yunhyeong?” Yunhyeong sighed and held his head as he walked to his own bedroom. 

He was thinking about how he heard them yelling again last Thursday evening. How Hanbin would be shoved into the hallway at 5am with his shoes in is hand. How Bobby had stopped smiling at him when he was looking. Instead he would wait until he was at the end of the hall before looking out of his door and pouting at Hanbin’s back. Yunhyeong would wait until they were both gone before scurrying out to work. He looked at his watch. Only twenty minutes before his alarm would go off. With a heavy heart he went back to his stove and turning the kettle back on. By the time it was boiling, Hanbin was snoring. 

Hanbin wasn’t used to being the one left to sleep. He fully expected a rough shake waking him up. He looked around the apartment and had a moment he thought he’d drank too much again but then remembered where he was. Yunhyeong. The guy across the hall. Good cook. Purple - Platonic - Bobby.  _ Bobby _ . Hanbin wiped a tear before it could fall and flopped over and went back to sleep. 


	2. Chasing Pavement

Yunhyeong was actually rather happy that Hanbin was still sleeping when he got home from work. He’d actually cut out a little early - working through all his breaks so he could rush home and check on him. He carried a take out container in one of their stuffy paper delivery bags he was scolded for taking. 

“They’re not doggy bags they’re for paying customers! Chef Song!!” 

Yunhyeong waved and babbled at the manager as he scooted out of the breakroom. He was embarrassed, but he wanted a nicer bag for Hanbin. God. How pathetic was that? A fancy paper bag for the homeless man on his couch. 

He kept his speed up to catch the bus before it left and smiled when he made eye contact with an elderly man sitting at the front. Yunhyeong went to the back where he could sit with his silly fancy take out bag feeling terribly silly. 

“Hanbin,” Yunhyeong said gently as he hovered near the couch. 

Hanbin's eyes shot open and he looked around almost panicked. Yunhyeong held his breath as they looked at each other. 

“Yunhyeong,” Hanbin slurred at him before sitting up. “What time is it?” 

“Almost 2:30,” Yunhyeong replied with a little smile as Hanbin yawned. “I brought some food home for you.” 

“Are you gonna eat too?” Hanbin asked as he stood. 

“I can,” Yunhyeong laughed a little and then turned. “I'll plate it up.” 

Hanbin went to the washroom after asking where it was. He washed his face and neck and wetted his hair before heading out. Yunhyeong was expertly plating two dishes. The microwave beeped and Yunhyeong hurried to it and added the warm sauce to the plates. 

“Sit down. Do you drink wine?” 

“Sure,” Hanbin said. He'd drank wine before but not really on purpose like this. He sat and his mouth twitched a little as he fought off awkwardness.  

Yunhyeong brought the plates over first and Hanbin was enthralled by the pretty plating. His head tilted as he followed the line of sauce. 

“Here, Pinot Noir.” 

“Noir.” Hanbin repeated and then dragged out the subtle syllables as he repeated yet again. Yunhyeong smelled his wine and made and amused kind of expression. Hanbin looked up at him and shook his head before setting the wine down. “I don’t know how to eat this.” 

Yunhyeong went over to his chair and sat down. “There’s no special way, not when you’re home. Just dig in.” 

Hanbin picked up his fork and watched Yunhyeong, he carefully ensured a little bit of everything was on his fork before he dragged it in the sauce. Finally he put it into his mouth. 

“Ah… salty…” he said dismayed. “I rushed at the last minute… sorry.” 

“I like salty.” Hanbin said quietly and dug in with as much grace as he could muster. 

It wasn’t that he liked salty so much as he was used to it. Bobby had a habit of putting too much salt on things. Hanbin just accepted it. He caught himself looking at Yunhyeong’s front door as he thought about the man across the hall. Bobby. Did he even miss him? 

“Are you thinking about leaving?” Yunhyeong asked when he noticed that Hanbin had zoned out looking at the door.  _ Or are you thinking about Bobby?  _

“Yeah.” Hanbin said after a second. “I have some stuff to do.” 

“Of course.” Yunhyeong said with a little nod and ate another mouthful. 

Hanbin nodded and ate without speaking until his plate was clear. Yunhyeong finished before him and took his dishes to the sink. He was still rushing when he hurried to his room. Hanbin savoured the dish, the food was delicious. Not in the least salty. Not by Bobby standards. When he was done he stood and walked his dishes to the sink carefully. 

“I don’t work tomorrow.” Yunhyeong called suddenly. Hanbin turned and saw Yunhyeong set a sweater down on the chair he had been sitting in before pulling on a shirt. His body was lean and healthy. Not at all like Hanbin’s. 

“Svelte.” Hanbin said softly. The word had been in an article about fashion week. He repeated it. 

“Hanbin?” Yunhyeong asked and turned his head slightly to try and see the man’s face better. Hanbin blinked and looked at him. “I don’t work, so I have no reason to go home.” 

“Oh…” Hanbin said softly. He really didn’t understand what he was supposed to understand from this conversation. 

“So where do you wanna go?” Yunhyeong asked cheerfully as he pulled on the sweater.

Hanbin stood but was unsure what to say to Yunhyeong. Did he actually mean to go with him? 

“I-I usually go to my friend’s place on Friday nights.” Hanbin said, pointing in the vague direction of the place he was going. 

“I’ll drive you, it’ll be good for my car to get it out.” Yunhyeong smiled and went to get his coat. “Really you’d be doing me a favour.” 

_ ‘I doubt that.’ _ Hanbin thought to himself but smiled anyway. “Okay, thanks.” 

Yunhyeong made Hanbin wear one of his jackets before they stepped out into the chilly afternoon. The chef had underdressed for the unseasonal cold snap and was unwilling to let Hanbin do the same. 

Chanwoo's apartment was in the nicer part of town. He'd been living there with his boyfriend and soulmate Junhoe for nearly four years. They knew they were soulmates right away. They felt their connection pull tight and it nearly made them breathless. For five years their relationship was perfect. Satisfying sex, emotional empathy and shared interests and goals. Or at least Chanwoo had thought that was the case. Lately he found them unravelling. Less evenings together, more cold kisses to the cheek and half hearted supper talk. 

Junhoe was cheating. 

For the last year at least. Maybe more. Chanwoo didn’t want to accept the signs, he still didn’t. He pretended he made the little marks on Junhoe’s skin. That he owned the perfume and cologne that lingered on Junhoe’s skin. That Junhoe pretended it was him that he was fucking when they weren’t together. If he pretended like that, honestly it wasn’t so bad. 

“What a nice apartment building.” Yunhyeong commented casually as they walked through the hallway. Hanbin made a noise in response as they came to a stop outside a door. He seemed worried somehow now that they were here. Before Yunhyeong could ask him what was wrong the door opened and Yunhyeong found himself smiling at the man who answered the door. 

“Chanu,” Hanbin said with a happy smile, all his worry melted away to a silly grin. “I brought a friend.” 

“You made a friend! Hanbin!” Chanwoo hugged Hanbin and Yunhyeong realized how much taller the man was than Hanbin. The man looked at Yunhyeong and then freed himself to offer his hand. “Jung Chanwoo.” 

“Song Yunhyeong.” Yunhyeong said taking Chanwoo’s hand and smiling. “Nice to meet you.” 

“Come in, I wanna hear how you two met!” 

Hanbin’s smiled faltered into a worried line as Chanwoo turned. Suddenly he seemed to be in a different world. Yunhyeong reached out to pat Hanbin on the shoulder but suddenly he was alert again and walked in on his own. 

Chanwoo sat Hanbin down on his couch, and Yunhyeong sat on a free chair and looked around the room. There seemed to be nothing too personal up on the walls. There was no bookshelves. It seemed like a place that people merely existed, not lived. 

“Do you want coffee? I’ll make some.” Chanwoo said as he got off the couch. “Hanbin you still didn’t ever say what happened with Bobby.”

Hanbin looked pained, and Yunhyeong stood quickly to follow Chanwoo with the intent of helping him and distracting the conversation away. Chanwoo happily accepted and Yunhyeong was relieved. Yunhyeong was just talking about the ways he had learned to make coffee when he lived abroad for culinary school when the door opened. 

“Oh, that’ll be Junhoe.” Chanwoo said with a forced smile as he turned and walked to greet the man. “Junhoe, Hanbin is here. He brought a friend.” 

“Cool,” Junhoe said with a grin and kissed Chanwoo’s cheek. Yunhyeong tilted his head to get a better look at the person who joined them. 

He was almost the same height as Chanwoo. With black hair and charming smile. It wasn’t until Yunhyeong got a better look at his face that he felt his throat close off. He knew him. 

“What’s up, I’m Junhoe. Chanwoo’s boyfriend.” Junhoe said with a little wave. 

“Yu-Yunhyeong.” Yunhyeong said with a little nod. He picked up two cups of coffee. 

“I’m getting a shower.” Junhoe said and kissed Chanwoo’s cheek again. 

“Hanbin’s here…” Chanwoo pleaded softly. 

“I’m disgusting from work.” Junhoe said and massaged Chanwoo’s shoulders before walking around him. He gave Yunhyeong a double take as he passed him. Yunhyeong felt his ears burn. So he did remember him. 

Chanwoo took the coffee to the living room and talked about an article in the paper about Astrology and Hanbin might have exaggerated his interest. But Yunhyeong was glad to have his smiling face to focus on. Junhoe got out of the shower just as they were ready to leave. The coffee was gone and the article had lost its appeal. Hanbin was quiet again, and Yunhyeong felt smothered by the air in the apartment. 

“You can come over more than once a week you know.” Chanwoo said kindly as they put their jackets back on. 

“Maybe.” Hanbin said softly. He looked at the connection pulled tight to the man in the bedroom. Red. Romantic. Re-tied. Repaired more than once, but now it seemed the knots were weakening. No, not weakening. Being untied. Hanbin looked at Chanwoo and saw hopelessness, for the first time in a month he felt his heart ache and it wasn’t for Bobby. “Keep… smiling Chanwoo.” 

“You too Hanbin,” Chanwoo smiled and gave Hanbin another hug. 

Yunhyeong smiled at them from the doorway, until Chanwoo wanted to shake his hand as a farewell. Hanbin was quiet on the way to the car, which suited Yunhyeong fine. His mind was a mess, and his heart still racing. 

“So they’ve been together long?” Yunhyeong rubbed his neck awkwardly as they sat at a red light.

“Nearly 6 years” Hanbin replied softly as he chased a drop of water down the window. 

“Ohh..” Yunhyeong said, thankful the light had turned green and he could focus on driving. 

“Did you sleep with Junhoe?” Hanbin asked, letting his hand drop to his lap and looking over.

“Yeah… I didn’t…. I didn’t know” Yunhyeong’s expression grew increasingly distressed. His knuckles bent white over his steering wheel. Hanbin felt sadness in his stomach. A welcome change from apathy. 

“He didn’t want you to know.” Hanbin said softly. Yunhyeong wasn’t sure if it made him feel better or not.  


	3. King Of Sorrow

Yunhyeong didn't know why he was here. How he managed not to talk himself out of it. Dressed in skinny blue jeans and a white jacket that framed him well. He felt better as he drank. Just a few to make himself relax. Lemon gin and tonic water. An old man’s drink. But he knew he liked it. 

There was a blonde that kept eyeing him. A _really_ _attractive_ blonde. He had a cocky grin that suited him and sleepy eyes that made Yunhyeong shiver with their intensity. Yunhyeong was trying to signal back. _Yes come here. God yes. Come here._

He was pathetically lonely. In his near perfect life he had always known loneliness but usually kept busy enough to ignore it. Tonight it seemed ready to swallow him. So he dressed for the club with the full intention of finding someone. Anyone. A warm body to press up against so his heart wouldn't feel so close to dying. He finished off his drink and ordered another. 

“That is probably the most interesting drink choice I have ever seen.” A voice made him jump and he looked over his shoulder. The blonde! Yunhyeong blushed faintly as the bartender gave him his drink. “I bet Antonia had to dust off her gin bottle.” 

Yunhyeong blushed deeper as the blonde reached over to pay for Yunhyeong's drink. 

“You can't help what you like.” Yunhyeong said with a little nervous smile before drinking a sip. 

“Isn't that the truth.” The blonde smiled, his eyes crinkling into little half moons. Yunhyeong thought he might explode. “I'm June,” 

“Yunhyeong.” 

June sat beside Yunhyeong and they talked for a good twenty minutes before Junhoe dragged him to the dance floor. June danced like sin, Yunhyeong was desperate to press up against him. The gin in his blood erased nearly everything. Just need remained. June seemed to blossom with the attention. Each time Yunhyeong's crotch would brush up against his ass he would smile and bite his lip. 

“You are way more fun than your drink implies,” June turned and gently cupped Yunhyeong's crotch with his hand. The jeans did immodest things for the gin drinker’s junk. June had been staring since he walked in. He wanted to know if it was show or not. 

“I only drink like a grandpa.” Yunhyeong grinned and pressed into June's hand. It was the gin speaking when he continued talking. “Wait until you see how I fuck.” 

It was good sex. Honestly some of the best sex Yunhyeong had in his life. Junhoe said he didn't bottom usually, but one look at Yunhyeong's erection had changed his mind for him. June was vocal, all curses and shouts. Yunhyeong was sure they'd hear them across the hall. 

But June was already gone when Yunhyeong got out of the shower. Yunhyeong felt foolish. He looked for a phone number written down anywhere and found nothing. He sat down on his bed and sat and tried to calm his breathing. The gin had burned away. The bed was nearly cold again. All the endorphins from climax were replaced with the cold reality. 

He had no one. 

He had been used for a hookup that made him feel cheap and used. More lonely than before. He had embarrassed himself by being desperate. He slumped over and cried quietly before falling asleep. 

Yunhyeong woke and sat up quickly. The memory had come to him in a dream. He held his face and tried to swallow the old feelings. Guilt. Regret. His skin felt like it was crawling. 

Chanwoo. 

The smiling man with sad eyes. 

Yunhyeong shot out of bed and looked out in the living room for Hanbin. The blanket was folded on the couch. He was gone. Yunhyeong was actually glad. As he got into the shower he didn't have to worry about anyone hearing his pathetic sobs. 

Hanbin needed some space. He wasn't used to the constant attention and kindness from Yunhyeong. And he couldn't bring himself to smoke in his apartment. Not even hanging out of the bathroom window by the fire escape. He just needed to get stoned. 

The lines were always there. His brain catalogued them feverishly. Purple. Snapped. Red. Tattered. Modern medicine bringing someone back from death. Always the stories. Whispers along the lines. I love you. Please forgive me. God I need you. I'm sorry. 

He rolled a joint with excessive ease. Too many years practise. He was using a birthday card he's stolen from Bobby as filter. You almost couldn't read the ‘I love you’ his mom had written on the inside. Hanbin ripped another thin length of the card stock and rolled it to fit inside the end of his freshly rolled cigarette. He put the whole thing in his mouth as he looked around. The park was empty this early. Just students cutting through to class and homeless assholes like him rolling joints. 

Satisfied with his efforts and that the joint would burn evenly he lit it. The lighter was from a grandma smoking by her toddler grandson. Hanbin figured he was doing them both a favour. You really shouldn't smoke by kids. 

“Negligence,” Hanbin drawled out as he held smoke in his lungs for a few seconds before exhaling. 

The THC fuzzed his brain. Like white noise but less annoying. The lines dulled. The whispers calmed. Hanbin looked around the park. Red. Red. Purple. Who cares. He smiled and stood. Walking aimlessly as he looked at the lines. He had made it almost all the way down the next street before something caught his eye and even his stoned brain couldn't ignore it. 

A white line. 

Hanbin had never seen a white line before. He found himself following it as it disappeared around the corner. Like a dog chasing a ball. He rushed into the street and nearly knocked someone over as he rushed to catch up to the man. When he was close enough Hanbin noticed the name tag on his chest. Jinhwan. Jinhwan looked at him for barely a second. 

“I don’t have any change.” Jinhwan said to Hanbin quickly as he kept walking. 

“I don’t want any-” Hanbin nearly tripped and had to run to catch him again. Damn, for a short dude he moved quickly. “I’m sorry, wait!” 

“What do you want? Hmm? A free coffee? Garbage rights?” 

“I’m not homeless!” Hanbin nearly shouted. The people nearby all looked over in alarm. 

Jinhwan blushed as he tried to think of something to say. The guy wasn't dressed that badly even though he stank of pot. But nothing fit him, everything oversized and layered. And his face was almost gaunt. Malnutrition and exhaustion. Hanbin sighed. 

“I am homeless. But I don’t want money.” Hanbin said softly. “You… you’re interesting…. To me.” 

Jinhwan looked around without moving his head, people were still staring. God dammit this morning was just not working out for him. 

It had started with an old friend standing him up for a breakfast date. Old friend was a bad term. A old flame. ‘They almost dated’ friend. He knew he shouldn't have gotten his hopes up. But he did. Then he had to rush back to his side of the city to get ready for work. Forced to get a cold shower because the hot was off in the building again. 

But at least his manager shirt was clean. He put his name tag on as he got off the bus. He was late. He'd need to start as soon as he walked in the door. Now this homeless guy was on his ass like he owed him something. Maybe a free drink would get him to piss off. 

“One free coffee. That’s it.” 

Hanbin honestly didn’t care about the coffee, the white line floated around the smaller man again. Playful, innocent. Unconnected. He followed Jinhwan into the cafe after someone ran into him. 

“Morning boss!” 

“Good morning Jinhwan!” 

Jinhwan smiled thinly and went behind the counter to pour a coffee from the first carafe he could reach. He looked over his shoulder at the guy he invited in. 

“Um- boss?” 

“I know. I’m just giving him a free coffee. He’s homeless.” Jinhwan sighed as he put a cover on the coffee and turned to grab a few cookies. 

He ignored his staff as he waved Hanbin over to the self serve table where he could add milk or sugar. Hanbin put a cookie into his mouth before he smelled the milk before pouring it. Jinhwan shut his eyes and tapped his fingers on the table as he prayed for patience. This homeless dude thinks he’d leave out spoiled milk. 

“Let’s go sit out back.” Jinhwan said after Hanbin had finished. Hanbin followed Jinhwan, looking at the connections of the girls at the counter as he ate his cookies. Red. Strong. Red. Tattered but holding on. He looked back at Jinhwan who exhaled and turned to look at Hanbin as they stood in the alleyway. “So why?” 

“Your line.” 

“Line?” 

“Fate line.” Hanbin said with a little awkward shrug

“You can see them?!” Jinhwan said with a giddy kind of smile. Hanbin felt his heart flutter in response. He was always captivated with the notion of soulmates. Even if he felt no connection himself. The idea was terribly romantic. 

“Yeah, since I was a kid.” Hanbin said with a little shy smile of his own. “Yours is…. different.” 

“Really?” Jinhwan seemed like he was pleased to hear it. “You’ve never seen one like mine? Ever?” 

“No.” 

“I kinda like that.” Jinhwan smiled and then giggled a little. “I'm Jinhwan.” 

“Hanbin,” 

“So, Hanbin, what does everyone else’s line look like?” 

Hanbin couldn’t remember the last time he was met with pure curiosity when he confessed his ability. He wished his heart wouldn’t beat so hard. He wished his stomach would just lay still. Most of all, he wished that Jinhwan would never stop smiling at him like that as he started to talk. 


	4. Part of Me is You

Jinhwan had given up on finding a partner. Not because he had bad luck (mostly), but because he was just as happy on his own as he was with someone. It was easier to be alone. Plus he had the cafe to keep him busy. He was happy with his life. 

But damn if he couldn't stop thinking about that homeless guy. 

“A homeless guy,” he whined as he held his face. Out of all the people that could finally get under his skin it was a stoned homeless guy. He had a doctor living next door to him trying to get into his pants but he wanted the stoned homeless guy to show up instead. 

A stoned homeless guy that had a smile that weakened Jinhwan's knees. A goofy giggle that made Jinhwan want to hug him. Lips that made Jinhwan want to kiss him. God those lips. 

“Boss?” 

Jinhwan turned, he'd had been drinking his coffee out in the alley way for ten minutes. The coffee was nearly gone but Jinhwan was stalling. He told Hanbin to meet him here if he ever wanted another coffee. Hanbin had nodded and smiled. Jinhwan was smiling just remembering it. 

“I'm just waiting for the bank to call me back,” Jinhwan held up his phone for effect. 

“We need change.” 

“I'll be right there.” Jinhwan said and tipped his coffee cup back to finally consume the last dregs. Coffee done. Breaks over. He sighed and turned, but as he reached the step he looked once more and finally saw him. Hanbin. 

“Hey,” Jinhwan said with a bright smile. Hating and loving how his heart fluttered. 

“Hey,” Hanbin said with a little awkward wave. “I just… wanted to see you again.”

“Me too.” Jinhwan said softly and then licked his lips. “I'll grab you a coffee. Just a sec.” 

Hanbin didn't need the coffee, but the excuse to stay near Jinhwan he did. He looked around nervously. Someone was upstairs in the next building. Red. Unblemished. Perfect and strong. It had been so long since Hanbin saw a perfect line he was still staring when Jinhwan came back out. 

“What's up there?” Jinhwan asked as he looked at the space between the buildings. 

“A perfect line.” Hanbin said and looked at Jinhwan who was still looking up where he imagined the line would he. “I don't get to see them much.” 

“Then it must be a good omen,” Jinhwan said and passed the cup over to Hanbin. It was cool enough the steam rose from it clearly. 

“I've never thought about it like that.” Hanbin said with a thoughtful pout. “I like it. A good omen.” 

Jinhwan smiled brightly. 

Yunhyeong felt like vomiting as he drove up to the apartment building. He exhaled hard and then plopped his forehead down on the steering wheel. He had to go in. He had to say it. It had been four days of agony. He needed to say it. He breathed until the tightness in his stomach passed and then got out of his car before he could change his mind. He remembered exactly which apartment was Chanwoo’s. Before his chest could burst he knocked on the door. 

“Oh! Hanbin’s friend.” 

“Yunhyeong.” Yunhyeong smiled and laughed nervously. “It’s just me, I was wondering if I could come in.” 

“Sure, I’m just cooking.” Chanwoo said as he turned. 

Yunhyeong looked at the countertop that was filled with ingredients. It was just a simple pasta dish, but it would be tasty when finished. “Do you want some help?” 

“I’m just following a recipe, I don’t know it well enough to tell you what to do.” Chanwoo laughed a little. 

Yunhyeong unbuttoned his shirt sleeves and rolled them up. “Pasta is the most common thing I made when I was fresh out of culinary school.” 

“You’re a chef!” Chanwoo suddenly became flustered, excited like a kid. Yunhyeong noticed perfect little dimples in his cheeks when he smiled. He was adorable. Sweet. Endearing. 

_ ‘How could anyone cheat on you?’ _ Yunhyeong’s heart broke so sharply he couldn’t breathe for a moment. Chanwoo noticed his change in mood at once. 

“What’s the matter?” 

“I…” Yunhyeong willed himself to hold eye contact with Chanwoo as his throat threatened to close off. “I slept with… Junhoe. Months ago… when his hair was blonde.” 

Chanwoo couldn’t hear anything, not his own breathing or the beat of his heart. He’d never actually imagined the people Junhoe was sleeping with as real people. But here one was. Yunhyeong, well off, polished, handsome, refined, educated. Was it easier to accept when they were so out of Chanwoo’s league? Would a common bar slut be an insult? Yunhyeong swallowed hard. He looked terrified. 

_ ‘He thinks I will hit him.’ _ Chanwoo thought about it then, a hard contact of his knuckles on Yunhyeong’s perfect cheek. But in the end he can’t move. His arms are lead and his lungs are filling with something like the void of space. 

“And you just wanted to cook with me to make up for it?” he asked finally. 

“I can’t…ever,” Yunhyeong said softly, he finally looked away and Chanwoo felt air finally come in when he inhaled. “I never should have gone out that night. Even before… I learned.” Yunhyeong ran his hand through his hair. “I regretted it. I cried that night, he was gone before I could say anything. I mean, I know you don’t go to the bar to look for a relationship but I was so lonely I just wanted… someone. Something! I was so tired of my heart screaming out for someone and not having anyone there.” Yunhyeong had to wipe a tear from his face and he looked at his feet and held the counter. “Not that it excuses what I did... I just wanted you to know that I fucked up and I’m so sorry I helped him hurt you.” 

Chanwoo felt his lips tremble with emotion as he stepped forward. Yunhyeong flinched as Chanwoo raised his hand. 

“He hurt you too.” Chanwoo said softly as he put a hand on Yunhyeong’s shoulder. “Let’s make this… honestly I was completely lost.”

Yunhyeong laughed softly and nodded, turning to position himself in front of the cutting board. 

Hanbin had to resist hanging out in the alley behind Jinhwan's cafe all day. Jinhwan had sent him off with some day old croissants he was going to take home helpful and Hanbin went back to his favourite park. He sat on the bench there. Eating and smoking and feeding pigeons. Some police came along and chatted him up politely. Hanbin was used to this kind of tactic, they were letting him know they knew who he was. And if Hanbin was there when they walked back they'd ask him to move on. 

So Hanbin moved on for the next couple days he spent in a few spots. A forested park where someone had left a hammock. A homeless shelter he hadn't been to in a few weeks. It was nice, everyone seemed to miss him. There the lines didn't talk so much. Most of them were broken. Silent. Dead ends.

He found himself missing Yunhyeong. His way of giggling when he felt awkward. His warm apartment and comfortable couch. It was late enough now. He'd be able to sneak back into the apartment building without seeing Bobby. He wasn't sure why he was avoiding him. But it just seemed like a good thing to do. 

Yunhyeong was just getting to his door when Hanbin came out of the stairwell. He waited for Hanbin to get closer before speaking. Hanbin felt his heart tighten as he noted Yunhyeong's purple line pulled tight across the hallway. 

“Hey. It's been a while.” 

“You look tired.” Hanbin said as he looked at Bobby's door. 

“Tired is a good word for it.” Yunhyeong said with a little smile that didn't reach his eyes. 

“Do you work tomorrow?” Hanbin asked as they stepped into the apartment. 

“Not until the afternoon.” Yunhyeong replied and rubbed his eyes. 

“You're not tired.” Hanbin said as he noticed the heaviness to Yunhyeong’s expression. 

Yunhyeong felt himself smile. Hanbin read people really well. “So where are we going?” 

“I want to introduce you to another friend of mine.” Hanbin said with a little smile. “He'll be good for you.” 

“Hanbin are you trying to set me up on a date?” 

“No!” Hanbin said in alarm, “he's just… it’s just hard to be sad around him.” 

Honestly, Yunhyeong thought that sounded fantastic after his shitty week. “Five minutes. I just need to change.” 

Donghyuk was actually impossible to be unhappy around. Even upon first meeting Yunhyeong couldn’t stop smiling. He lived in a gorgeous loft apartment downtown, a successful dance instructor whose choreographies could be seen on TV and in movies. He kept the middle of his loft empty for dance space. 

“Do you want some tea? I’m just making some.” Donghyuk said cheerfully. 

“Sure.” Yunhyeong replied and looked at Hanbin who nodded. 

“So when did Hanbin add you to his collection?” 

“Sorry?” Yunhyeong asked after a moment. 

“His collection,” Donghyuk smiled and passed Yunhyeong a tea cup. “Hanbin collects people.”

“I’m not sure I-” Yunhyeong looked between Hanbin and Donghyuk. 

“People have auras, right? Hanbin has a way of finding people with addicting auras.” Donghyuk grinned and got his own mug of tea. “You have one too.” 

“You think so??” Yunhyeong smiled brightly. 

Donghyuk nodded and the two wandered to the big loft windows as they talked. Hanbin walked after them smiling, satisfied that he had finally done something good for Yunhyeong by bringing him here. 


	5. You Ought to See Me Now

Yunhyeong felt oppressively nervous. He was less nervous talking to his boss about it in the first place. He kind of did go behind Hanbin’s back on this. Hanbin had been staying with him for longer stretches. Yunhyeong was starting to look forward to the stories he’d tell when he got home from work. Hanbin had a crush on the manager of a cafe a few blocks from the bridge Yunhyeong had found him on. It seemed like Hanbin really liked him, he liked being clean and he tried to keep his clothes neat. Yunhyeong saw a glimmer of hope that Hanbin could have a normal life. He tented his fingers and pressed them together. Hanbin’s face was still damp from washing as he came into the kitchen and saw Yunhyeong so nervous. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked softly. The line was still strong, Bobby was gone for the day, it hung loose and danced around. 

“I did something without asking you.” Yunhyeong said and bit his lip. “I got my boss to take you on as a dishwasher.” 

“What?” Hanbin tilted his head and pushed out his bottom lip. 

“I got you a job, in the kitchen. Washing dishes. It’s really basic, a few days a week.” Yunhyeong said and grabbed his elbow. 

“I’ve… never… I’ve never had a job.” Hanbin said softly. Yunhyeong rolled his lips in and Hanbin spoke quickly. “I guess there’s a first time for everything.” 

“You'll need some shirts.” Yunhyeong said with a relieved smile. “Just t-shirts but they need to be white. A new pair of black pants too.” 

“I can’t…” Hanbin said softly. His heart was filling with a weird type of coldness. How could he go to work? How would he ever make it up to Yunhyeong. He couldn’t be in that much debt to someone. 

“Hanbin…” Yunhyeong said softly. “Before you… I really had no one.” 

Hanbin looked at him like he just told him he was pregnant. 

“I mean, we’re not dating. It’s not like that - I mean I was alone. I don’t really have friends, I worked through my days off. My family lives three cities away. I’ve just been here sitting on money and wishing I wasn’t so alone. Having you here, being able to do things for you. Meeting your friends and learning to care about them too. It’s good for my heart. It’s good for me.” Yunhyeong leaned on the counter. “I know it’s hard to accept help from others, but really. I’m so selfish. I just don’t want you to leave.” 

Hanbin felt himself understand a little better why that purple line was so strong and connected to Bobby across the hall. Yunhyeong was a person who clung to others. Who took care of them and gave them warmth even when he didn’t realise he was doing it. He found himself smiling. 

“Okay.” 

Yunhyeong was finally starting to feel like he wasn’t wasting money on his car with how much he was driving it. He had a habit of taking public transit - just to be around people. To belong to a little community no matter how small or brief that little community was. They were going to the cheaper mall in the city, the one that Yunhyeong went to more would only make Hanbin uncomfortable. Hanbin was tracing the vents with his finger and repeating “ventilation.” 

“Are you too hot?” Yunhyeong asked and looked over quickly. 

“It’s just a nice word.” Hanbin said softly and sat back in his seat properly. 

Yunhyeong was sure he’d never really figure out all of Hanbin’s quirks. 

The mall wasn’t busy in the morning and Yunhyeong was able to get Hanbin to try on some jeans. It was amazing what proper sizes could do. They bought a blue pair and a black pair for work and Yunhyeong got the clerk to measure Hanbin’s shoulders so they were guaranteed to get the correct sized shirts. After grabbing a new pair of shoes for himself, Yunhyeong decided to get some lunch. 

Hanbin was always looking around, at the ceiling, along the floor. Following what seemed to be like an invisible bird or butterfly. Yunhyeong watched him with a little smile and thought again that he’d never really understand Hanbin at all. 

“Oh,” 

Yunhyeong looked at Hanbin and then where he was looking. A man was coming out of a store, dressed well. Yunhyeong looked at Hanbin who was suddenly nervous. 

“You know him?” 

“From the cafe,” Hanbin said and then looked back at Yunhyeong fully panicked. “He sees us,” 

“That's the cafe guy?” Yunhyeong looked over at the guy who was waving shyly. 

“Yeah…” Hanbin exhaled and looked at Yunhyeong. “What do I say? He'll ask who you are, why we're shopping together.” 

“Call me your roommate.” Yunhyeong said kindly. “It's easier.”

“O-okay,” Hanbin nodded. “I'll do that.” 

Jinhwan joined them and smiled at Hanbin before nodding at Yunhyeong with a little awkwardness. 

“I didn't expect to see you here.” Jinhwan said with a beaming smile. He put his hand on Hanbin’s shoulder. 

“I’m shopping for work clothes.” Hanbin said, his voice funny as he smiled a goofy little smile that made Yunhyeong want to pinch his cheeks. 

“Work clothes!!” Jinhwan gasped and clapped. “Hanbin that’s awesome!! Where are you working?” 

“My r-roomate got me a job as a dishwasher. He’s a chef.” Hanbin said indicating Yunhyeong finally. 

“Roommate?” Jinhwan grinned and looked at Hanbin as he held his hand out for Yunhyeong to shake. “Kim Jinhwan.” 

“Song Yunhyeong.” Yunhyeong smiled and stood before taking Jinhwan’s hand to shake. “I’ve just… given him a place to land, so to speak.” 

“Well, that’s amazing. Honestly, I’m so excited I feel like running.” Jinhwan laughed and looked at Hanbin again. “Are you still going to come visit me?”

“Of course!” Hanbin said, standing quickly. He blushed at his eagerness. “Of course I will.” 

“Awesome.” Jinhwan smiled and then bit his tongue playfully. “You know, now that you’re a working man, I’ll be expecting tips.” 

Hanbin blushed as Jinhwan winked at him before excusing himself and saying farewell. Hanbin sat down and stared after him. 

“Well he’s perfect for you.” Yunhyeong teased as he watched Hanbin turn his head quickly to looked at him. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep your crush a secret from everyone at work.”  

Hanbin shoved him and then smiled at his plate. 

Hanbin was actually surprised at how much he liked working. Everyone kind of ignored him, which was good. It was bad enough with all the lines chaotic from the patrons and the staff. The dishwasher was nice and loud and he could read the names of chemicals on the buckets and bottled under the stainless steel station. Yunhyeong would make them each a sandwich and they’d eat together in his car. It was too cold to eat at the staff picnic table, and Yunhyeong noticed Hanbin’s reluctance to go into the staff break room. After a few days Hanbin was starting to miss Jinhwan.

“Is it… is it okay if I leave? For lunch?” Hanbin asked quietly. 

“Yeah. You just gotta be back by 1:00” Yunhyeong said with a smile and took out his phone. “Here. Take my phone. Don't lose track of time.” 

“I can't take your phone,” Hanbin said with a nervous shake of his head. 

“You're going to see the cafe guy right?” Yunhyeong grinned as Hanbin's face lit up and he nodded. He passed Hanbin the two sandwiches wrapped up in wax paper. “Be back by 1:00” 

Yunhyeong watched Hanbin take off in a run with the sandwiches and smiled as he turned back inside to make another sandwich and eat in the staff room. 

Hanbin was back at 12:58 and hurriedly gave Yunhyeong his phone back. Hanbin didn’t see his teasing expression as he rushed to get his apron on. 

“How was lunch with Jinhwan today?” Yunhyeong asked as they walked to his car. 

“He asked me out.” Hanbin said softly. 

“He asked you! Hanbin that’s awesome! Where are you going?” 

“I said no.” Hanbin said with a shake of his head. 

“Why!” Yunhyeong nearly shouted. Hanbin finally gets asked out by the guy he’d been crushing on and he says no?!

“I don't… I don't have anything nice to wear.” Hanbin said shyly. “I used to just take clothes from Bobby but...” 

Yunhyeong felt a little twinge of sadness in his heart. Hanbin really had nothing. “I think we're nearly the same size. We can find something for you.” Hanbin couldn't believe what he was hearing as Yunhyeong took out his cellphone. “What was the cafe called? Let's call him and tell him you changed your mind.” 

“Why-” Hanbin stuttered 

“Cause you want to date him right?” Yunhyeong laughed a little as he looked up from his phone. 

“Why are you being so nice to me?” 

Yunhyeong was surprised at Hanbin's barely contained pain at the question. Yunhyeong was struck with the realization Hanbin probably didn't have many people in his life that were kind. 

“When you're able to help someone you should help them.” Yunhyeong said with a little shrug. 

Hanbin wasn't sure how to reply to Yunhyeong's shy smile. So he said the name of the cafe and took the phone from Yunhyeong. It was already ringing and Hanbin hadn't used a phone in so long he was put off by how different Jinhwan's voice sounded. As they walked to Yunhyeong's car Jinhwan excitedly accepted Hanbin's change of heart. 

“Awesome. Now let's get you dressed.” Yunhyeong smiled and took his phone back before he opened the door for Hanbin. 

Hanbin got the best shower of his life, the water was delightfully hot. He wasn’t in the habit of taking showers and he was asking himself why right now. Yunhyeong seemed to be in a great mood. Excited as he gathered some clothes from his closet. Hanbin heard him humming as he got out of the shower. He went to the mirror, Yunhyeong had set out a razor and some skin products for him to use. Carefully he picked up the closest bottle. 

“You okay in there?” 

Hanbin went to the door, pouting slightly. “What do I use first?” 

“Oh,” Yunhyeong felt another empathetic rush of emotion. Hanbin had no idea about skin products, Bobby probably never used them. Yunhyeong's eyes strayed to the little scars that riddled Hanbin's exposed torso. God. He had really suffered. “I'll show you.” 

With some awkward giggles Yunhyeong managed to get Hanbin set on shaving. Then he lined up the other products in a row for afterwards. Yunhyeong went back out to gather some shoes for Hanbin to try and then exhaled. He was nervous like it was his date. He held his forehead with his thumb and a finger and laughed a little. 

“Are you okay?” 

Hanbin's voice made Yunhyeong turn quickly. He'd done a good job shaving. And the serum Yunhyeong selected made his skin glow. He smiled. 

“I guess I'm nervous.” Yunhyeong confessed with a little laugh. 

Hanbin’s mouth twitched up in a little smile. “Me too.” 

Yunhyeong laughed and then used both arms to indicate the clothes he'd laid out in the bed. He'd selected some of his personal favourite date night clothes. Not that he'd worn them in a while. Hanbin looked them over with a thoughtful sort of pout. Yunhyeong found himself enthralled by the way Hanbin held his hair back. He should really put some product in that. Yunhyeong turned to get some and then noticed the towel around Hanbin's waist. 

“Oh… you'll need… underwear.” Yunhyeong blushed but only on his ears as he went to his dresser and picked the first pair of boxers on the top and handed them to Hanbin who looked just as flustered as him. “I'll get some product for your hair.” 

Yunhyeong scurried to his washroom again and shut the door to exhale. He shook his head. “It's just underwear and you're blushing like a preteen.” 

He laughed at himself and went to pick out some products for Hanbin's hair. 

When the door shut Hanbin dropped his towel immediately and pulled on the boxers. They were a similar style that Bobby had, softer. A more expensive brand. All of Yunhyeong's stuff seemed expensive. Like he was used to wealth. Hanbin snapped the boxers against his waist. The chef was just as thin as him. Hanbin was concerned for a moment. He was thin because he was shit at remembering to eat. Yunhyeong worked in a kitchen! 

“Metabolism.” Hanbin said. He let the word roll of his tongue a few times. It was a good word. Maybe Yunhyeong just had one of those bodies that resisted weight gain. 

He reached out and touched the pants Yunhyeong laid out. Jeans or dress pants. One of each. He wore jeans all the time so he pulled on the black dress pants. 

“Ahh good! You decided.” Yunhyeong said cheerfully as he came back out of the washroom. He set the bottles he was holding down on the bed and picked up the jeans to put them away and pulled out a belt. “Here.” 

“They fit fine.” Hanbin said looking down at his empty belt loops. 

“It'll look better.” Yunhyeong smiled kindly. 

Hanbin out on the belt and watched as Yunhyeong put some of the clothes he laid out away. Yunhyeong looked at Hanbin's curious expression and laughed a little. 

“These would be too formal if you wore them with slacks.” Yunhyeong said gently. “You don't want to over do it.”

“You seem to know a lot about this.” 

“I guess I do,” Yunhyeong crossed his arms thoughtfully. “I like looking polished. Put together. I read magazines and follow treads. That kind of thing.” 

“You're really impressive,” Hanbin said with a little smile. 

“I'm nothing special.” Yunhyeong laughed and passed Hanbin a shirt. “Try this.” 

_ ‘If you're nothing special. What the hell am I?’ _ Hanbin thought with a cynical smile as he pulled on the shirt. 

Jinhwan was pacing in front of the restaurant. The number he saved he knew wasn't Hanbin's. The “roommate” who had gotten him the job. Jinhwan wasn't a religious person but he actually prayed in thanks. Thank god there were still kind souls. Jinhwan was walking back to where he started when a car pulled up. When the door opened he saw the driver, thin, handsome, clean cut. The passenger was getting out. Just as thin, polished and stylish. It took a few seconds to realize that it was Hanbin. 

“Oh my god.” Jinhwan laughed a little as he hurried to Hanbin with a little skip. 

Hanbin pulled at his sleeves and smiled awkwardly. He was wearing tailored clothing, the shoulders a touch too wide for him. But the rich blue cardigan over a plain black tshirt suited him. Black dress pants and a stylish belt with black Vans shoes pulled it together well. He matched Jinhwan's black jeans and casual pink button up shirt. 

“You look fantastic!” Jinhwan honestly couldn't close his mouth for his awe. 

“Yunhyeong, my roommate. These are his…” Hanbin pulled at his clothes a little. “I used his stuff.”

“Well then remind me to write him a thank you card.” Jinhwan laughed and took Hanbin's arm. “Come on. I want to show you off to these perfect strangers we'll never meet again.” 


	6. Jar Of Hearts

Jinhwan was incredibly easy to talk to. Hanbin couldn't understand how words kept coming out of his mouth. Crazy stories he had never shared. Embarrassing ones that made Jinhwan laugh so hard they had to be shushed by the waiter. 

Jinhwan was also incredibly interesting. He had lived in so many places and seen so many things Hanbin had only seen in magazines. Jinhwan told him about moments of extreme beauty. A sunrise on top of a mountain. The clear night sky above a tropical sea. Wild horses running through plains.

The food was good but Hanbin found it bland compared to his company. When they finish eating, Jinhwan paid the bill without looking away from Hanbin. He smiled at him like like he was just as beautiful as all the other things he's seen in the world. 

“Let's walk for a while.” Jinhwan said happily. 

It's too cold for a walk. Hanbin feels the chill in his bones. He says yes. 

They went to a park that Hanbin avoided at night. Cops were too thick around here. They liked to keep the pretty areas pretty for couples on dates. For people Hanbin was now one of. He smiled. 

“Irony,” he muttered softly. 

“Hanbin?” Jinhwan is holding his arms around Hanbin's like the body contact will keep them warm. Hanbin looked over and shook his head. “What do the lines look like here?” 

Hanbin looked up. Here the lines are thick overhead. Connecting soulmates on 20th floor apartments and offices trying to get work done. 

“Sometimes they look like a quilt that's come undone. There is lots of red tonight.” Hanbin looks up until he feels Jinhwan pulling on his arm. 

“Come on,” Jinhwan grins as he sits on the grass. Hanbin lays down beside him gently. Worried about the clothes. Jinhwan put an arm around him and pulled him back to lay down. “Have you ever looked at them like this?” 

“Sometimes.” Hanbin smiled and raised an arm to trace Jinhwan's line as it floated around them. “It's like a kid scribbling on paper. Like someone tried to play connect the dots with stars.” 

“That sounds incredibly beautiful,” Jinhwan said and looked over at Hanbin and smiled. 

Hanbin looked back at him, Jinhwan's nose was pink from the chilly evening but he looked gorgeous. He looked like love and happiness and proof that the world wasn't fucked up. He looked like hope. Hanbin never wanted to look away. 

“Captivate.” Hanbin said softly. 

“What?” Jinhwan rolled closer, he’s mere inches from Hanbin’s face. 

“Captivate. It suits you.” Hanbin said with a smile. 

Jinhwan leaned in and before he could think better of it, Hanbin lifted his chin to kiss him. He had to admit the lines did look beautiful spinning around Jinhwan's head.

After the first date, the first kiss. There were more dates, and hundreds more kisses. Hanbin found himself talking to God for the first time since he was a child. Thank you for Yunhyeong. Thank you for Jinhwan. As the days went on, regular eating and showers completely changed Hanbin’s appearance. His skin glowed naturally, and after a haircut, he was downright healthy looking. His cheeks filled out and found muscles growing from carrying heavy buckets of industrial detergent. 

Yunhyeong gave him a spare key, so he could come and go as he pleased. Yunhyeong was busier now too. Chanwoo asked him for another cooking lesson, and though it was awkward, eventually the two were able to talk like friends. Donghyuk was also a regular person Yunhyeong liked to visit and he even ended up signing up for Donghyuk’s Hip Hop for Adults beginner class. 

They’d catch up at supper time on Fridays. Hanbin always home for supper on Fridays. They’d share stories and make fun of their annoying coworkers. Hanbin felt like this was how his life was always meant to go. The lines didn’t bother him as much now, he saw them and hear their whispers. But when Yunhyeong was there to talk to, or even when he talked about them with Jinhwan he felt less pressure in his mind. Less flashbacks to the days he was beaten and scorn. He was happy and he told Jinhwan this on what would be their tenth date.

“Hanbin…” Jinhwan caught Hanbin's hand. “Come home with me.” 

Hanbin couldn't bring himself to respond. He smiled and Jinhwan returned it. He wrapped the smaller man up in a intense kiss. Jinhwan’s mouth drooped slightly as they parted. 

“God I just need to get you home,” Jinhwan breathed and then pulled Hanbin into a eager run. 

If the lines had looked beautiful around Jinhwan’s head as they kissed. They were beyond words as Jinhwan looked down at him with his cheeks coloured with sex flush and his mouth droopy with erotic moans. Hanbin was mesmerized. Jinhwan’s lithe body and smooth hips. The silkiness of his skin against Hanbin’s. The white line danced around them, like it was forming a protective circle. 

“Hey,” Jinhwan leaned over and kissed Hanbin on the mouth. “You there?” 

“Yeah,” Hanbin shook his head and then turned them quickly. Jinhwan let out a squeaky kind of laugh. “I’m here.” 

Jinhwan breathed and gripped the headboard as Hanbin started thrusting. “Oh fuck,” 

They fell asleep wrapped up together, a sticky tangle of limbs and smiles. Hanbin couldn’t remember the last time he slept so well. In the morning Jinhwan shook him awake gently. Hanbin's eyes shot open and he flinched away. 

_ “Get out.” Bobby said as he hit Hanbin across the face a few times.  _

_ Hanbin groaned.  _

_ Bobby got out of bed and came back drinking from a water bottle. His chiseled body exposed to the morning air. He tipped the bottle over Hanbin's face.  _

_ “Get out you stoner I have company coming they don't want to see your druggie ass.”  _

“I just wanted to know if you like pancakes.” Jinhwan asked softly. His face is filled with concern. 

“Yeah.” Hanbin said quickly. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Yeah I do.” 

They ate pancakes and then showered together. Hanbin liked how intimate it felt. Nakedness seemed more natural in the shower. More romantic, he wrapped his arms around Jinhwan and kissed his ear before pressing his face against it and holding him tight. Jinhwan smiled and hugged his arms. They walked to work together, Hanbin listening to Jinhwan’s happy babble the whole way. It was chilly today, the first snow was due. Hanbin was underdressed, he had a thought to ask Yunhyeong to take him to the mall later. 

“See you after work!” Jinhwan said and scurried into the cafe and waved. Hanbin smiled and waved back before starting to walk again.

“Hanbin?” 

Hanbin froze in place as he heard someone calling for him. He hated how his heart pounded. How the smile came so easily. He turned. 

“Bobby,” 

Bobby looked the same as always. Effortlessly cool. Enchanting. You couldn't look away he was so handsome. Bobby put two hands to his mouth and laughed into them. “Fuck man you look great! What the hell have you been doing? Where are you staying?” 

“Yunhyeong-” Hanbin mumbled through a smile. 

“You've been across the hall the whole time? Fuck.” Bobby grinned and put his hands on Hanbin's hips. “You've been across the hall looking this good for months and I've wasted all this time.” 

Inside the cafe Jinhwan was watching with a frown. He didn't like how close the other guy was standing. He hated Hanbin smiling at him the same way he smiled at Jinhwan. He watched and sucked on his teeth until suddenly Hanbin was pulled forward into a kiss. Jinhwan threw the rag down and held the counter. Hanbin was smiling when they separated. They left holding hands. Jinhwan turned. 

“I'm going to do payroll,” he said and slammed the door to his office before anyone could reply. 

Hanbin wanted to say no to Bobby. His heart was screaming for Jinhwan when was pressed up against the alley wall three blocks over. Even when he moaned into Bobby’s kisses. 

“I have to go to work,” Hanbin said and put his palms against bobby’s chest. 

“You don't work.” Bobby laughed and tried to kiss him again, Hanbin pushed him roughly. 

“I do. I have to go.” Hanbin said firmly and then ran out of the alley wiping his mouth. 

Bobby looked after him and grinned. 

“You’re late!” the manager growled as Hanbin scurried in. The manager had still not quite forgiven Hanbin for being hired. He watched him like a hawk and always gave him extra duties. 

“I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.”

“It better not, you're on thin ice street rat.” 

“Prejudice.” Hanbin mumbled and then shook his head. “Douchebag.” He laughed to himself as he tied on his apron. 

Out of spite, the manager kept Hanbin for an extra 7 minutes for being late. So Hanbin ran to the cafe so he didn’t keep Jinhwan longer than he needed to. Hanbin turned down the alleyway and was met with Jinhwan sitting on the small step. He looked frozen. He stood and his expression made Hanbin’s heart full with hot fear. He's angry. 

“Who was he?” Jinhwan asked sharply. “The guy you kissed and left with this morning? Boyfriend?” 

Hanbin looked on stunned. He couldn't express who Bobby was to him. Not a boyfriend. Not a soul mate. Hell he wasn’t even sure he liked him. He needed him. He was proof he wasn’t completely unloved. No, past tense. Needed. Jinhwan was who is heart needed now. His mouth opened and Jinhwan shook his head. 

“I'm not going to be some fucking side bitch for a fucking homeless dick bag.” Jinhwan spat bitterly. “Leave. Don't come back.” 


	7. You Lost the Love

They were 18 when they met. Just barely out on their own, skinny and underfed. Chanwoo had just started a job at a little electronics store. Junhoe was a salesman who couldn't stop breaking his phone. 

They felt the connection pull tight almost as soon as Junhoe walked in the door. They went out for supper that night and had moved in together in a matter of weeks. Everything had been exciting, kissing Junhoe was exciting. Coming home to him was exciting. They used to go out together and make everyone jealous. Both tall, handsome, lean, and so in love. Once they were paid to kiss on the dance floor. They were kissing before they took the money. 

Junhoe's lips were pillowy, his tongue skilled. But he had nothing on the way Chanwoo could move his cute little tongue. 

“Do you think they'd pay us to fuck next?” Junhoe grinned as he pulled Chanwoo’s pelvis against his with a firm grip. 

“I'm not fucking you here,” Chanwoo giggled. 

“C’mon,” Junhoe rolled his hips against him again. 

“I said  _ here _ ,” Chanwoo grinned and shoved him away. 

Junhoe scurried after him with a lecherous grin. 

Chanwoo always woke up first. He looked over at his partner and felt a little flutter in his heart. He remembered a time he would have woken him up for a quick fuck. Unable to resist Junhoe's gorgeous face. Instead he got up and went to make coffee. 

Junhoe woke up to the sound of the kettle. They both preferred French press coffee. Yawning as he dressed he could time it perfectly to get out in the kitchen when the coffee was done steeping. 

Junhoe remembered the mornings he'd sneak up behind Chanwoo and kiss his neck. Now his heart seemed too cold to inspire him to do it. Chanwoo was sitting at the table facing him. His expression was clouded, conflicted. He made eye contact with Junhoe and exhaled. 

“Sit,” he said softly. “Please” added as an afterthought. A force of habit. 

Junhoe sat without question. Not directly across from him, over one. 

“What's up?” Junhoe asks. The air seemed heavy this morning. It forced his voice down and kept it low and uneasy. 

“Hanbin's friend told me he fucked you.” Chanwoo said softly. “Yunhyeong.” 

Junhoe felt his body go hot.  _ Yunhyeong _ he said the name over and over that night. He thought about him for weeks. Then he pushed it out of his mind like the others until he was suddenly in his kitchen. He licked his lips instead of responding. 

“And I wasn't mad, not at him. He told me how he felt so awful and just wanted someone to care about him. And how he was left alone in the end anyway.” Chanwoo finally felt anger boiling in his stomach but he kept it in. He looked at Junhoe who at least looked uncomfortable. Scared. Like a child due a scolding. “I even feel bad for him. Cause you didn't even stay. You used him and just left before he could even finish the fantasy that someone could actually love him.” 

“So you've known.” Junhoe said softly. Not a question. Chanwoo had processed all of this with the mind of someone who had lots of time. He wasn't surprised and angry. He was beyond that. He cared more about Yunhyeong than himself. 

Chanwoo nodded.

“How long?” 

“A year, maybe less.” Chanwoo replied in a soft sort of voice that made Junhoe feel like he was talking to an abused child. 

“Why did you stay?” Junhoe asked and cleared his throat. He fought the tears collecting in his eyes. He's not allowed to cry. Chanwoo deserved to cry first. 

“I don't know,” Chanwoo said slowly. 

The knots in their red line were finally pulled free. 

Yunhyeong had started loving his cycle of visiting Hanbin's friends when he wasn't busy. He'd done a few more cooking lesson type things with Chanwoo, and Donghyuk was nearly always ready to go out for coffee. He liked having friends, even if one was a weird sort of “sorry I fucked your boyfriend without knowing he was your boyfriend” sort of friendship. 

Today he was meeting Donghyuk for coffee and a walk through the public gardens park a few minutes away from his loft apartment. Yunhyeong loved this part of the city. It was closer to his work, and he was really thinking about moving here. Especially now that Hanbin seemed settled with him. He deserved his own room. 

Especially since him and Jinhwan seemed to be getting pretty serious. 

Yunhyeong felt jealous in a small part of his heart. He longed for romantic company more than ever. Donghyuk was gorgeous, and Yunhyeong felt compelled to be with him. He liked his optimism. He gave him hope that he could still find someone that would love him with their whole heart. 

Donghyuk was bundled up today, a slick jacket and bright red scarf and some freshly dyed blonde hair. Yunhyeong honestly didn't expect it to look so good on him. 

“Hey! Your hair!” 

“Right?!!” Donghyuk replied with excitement and his knees bounced as he danced a little biting the spot. “I loveeeeee it.” 

“It really suits you.” Yunhyeong smiled as Donghyuk beamed at him. 

“Here. I already got our coffees.” Donghyuk turned and picked two coffees off the bench behind him. The were steaming slightly. 

“Thank you,” Yunhyeong bowed slightly as he took the cup from Donghyuk. The first sip was heaven. “What is this?” 

“It's my favourite latte from the cafe uptown. They use chocolate milk to steam and I put a shot of hazelnut in it. It's nice right?” 

“It's amazing.” Yunhyeong replied and took another sip as they started walking. 

As they walked they talked about Yunhyeong's new shoes he was wearing today and the latest article in Donghyuk's favourite dance magazine. They passed a couple getting wedding photos done. The bride and groom were wrapped up in a blanket together. Donghyuk cooed and made them wait on the bridge to watch for a while. 

“Do you want to get married Yunhyeong?” 

“I think I need to find someone that wants to date me first.” Yunhyeong laughed awkwardly. 

“I'm waiting for my soulmate.” Donghyuk smiled. “We can be spinsters together until we find our matches.” 

“Deal,” Yunhyeong laughed a little and drank more coffee. “So you haven't dated either?” 

“Yup! No one ever completes you like a soulmate right?” Donghyuk said with a warm smile. “It only makes sense to wait until you meet them.” 

“So you really have never dated anyone?” 

“Never even held hands.” Donghyuk nodded. 

“Don't you ever get lonely?” 

“Of course,” Donghyuk laughed a little and leaned back as he held onto the railing to the little park bridge. “Everyone gets lonely right?”

“Of course,” Yunhyeong laughed with too much breath. 

“I just fill it with dance. Or focus on my connection.” 

“You can feel your connection?”

“Yeah! Since I was a kid! I've always had a feeling of…. innate love.” 

“I've never had that. I don't even know if I know what love feels like.” Yunhyeong said softly as he watched a happy child feed ducks across the pond. 

Donghyuk looked over at Yunhyeong who was smiling gently as the child across the pond shrieked with joy. He chewed his lip thoughtfully and then pushed himself upright and jumped a little to land a little closer to Yunhyeong with an excited smile. 

“What?” Yunhyeong asked with a little flinch away from the sudden action. 

“I think you're good enough to join my intermediate class. What do you think?” 

“I've only been dancing for a month!” Yunhyeong was honestly stunned. 

“You have a knack for it.” Donghyuk grinned and hooked his arm on Yunhyeong's to pull him into a walk. “C’mon let's go back to my loft. I'll prove to you, you are good.”

Junhoe opened the door and knew Chanwoo was gone. His shoes were missing, his jackets gone from the hooks on the wall. The lights were off and there was no smell of food. He’d probably been gone all day. Junhoe went to the bedroom and found even Chanwoo's alarm clock is gone. He sat on the bed and still fought the tears collecting. He's a pile of shit that finally got what was coming to him. He doesn't get to feel bad. He doesn't get to cry. Furiously he stood up and stripped. In the shower Chanwoo's body wash is still there. Junhoe smelled it and finally couldn't hold back. The hot shame boiled up within him, pushed by the heartbreak he felt when he realized he already missed him. 


	8. Jagged Little Pill

Going home felt too much like everything was still okay. That life was still normal. That he hadn't fucked up the best thing in his wretched life. So he didn't. He stole a bicycle and took it to the highest part of town. He sat there for hours. Rolled a joint carefully. He used the last part of the “I love you” in the card he had stolen from Bobby. 

“Apt,” he said softly. A short word but still a nice one. Fitting that there was no more I love you left. 

He stayed until too many people showed up, too many lines. He resisted jumping off the barrier that kept the edge of the cliff from being accidentally found and fallen off of. Too many people. 

“Spectacle,” he muttered as he got back on the bike and took off with the joint still in his mouth. He couldn't make front news. Not if he wanted to avoid hurting others. 

He ditched the bike in an alley before hiking to Donghyuk's place. It was well after midnight when he got there. Drenched in sweat from his day. He knocked louder than he meant to and startled himself. When the door opened he flinched. 

“Hanbin? Hanbin what happened? You look awful!” 

Hanbin's eyebrows pinch together as he struggled to express himself. The lines are too loud again. Buzzing with turmoil. Uncertainty. Breakups. A line to his left snapped and he flinched away. 

“Come in,” Donghyuk said as he reached to touch Hanbin's wrist. “I'll make tea.” 

Hanbin nodded absently and allowed Donghyuk to pull him in. Donghyuk sat Hanbin down on his couch with a pillowy stuffed animal. Hanbin played with the ears as Donghyuk hummed in the kitchen. Periodically he looked over at the man on his couch and his heart fluttered with worry. He hated dealing with Hanbin when he was high on something. It was hard to tell if this was one of those times. 

“Are you alright?” Donghyuk asked softly as he set the cups down on the coffee table. 

“I saw Bobby yesterday.” 

“Like…  _ saw _ saw him?” 

“No!” Hanbin said firmly. “He kissed me and I didn't want him to!” 

“Well that's a change.” Donghyuk said with raised eyebrows. Not stoned. Not with that kind of reaction. 

“I wanted to kiss Jinhwan.” 

“Jinhwan is the cafe guy right?” 

“Was.” Hanbin said quietly. 

_ ‘Oh my god did Bobby kill the cafe guy?’  _ Donghyuk bit a finger nervously. He didn't really know Bobby at all. Only through what Hanbin said and what he'd learned from Yunhyeong earlier. He exhaled. “What happened to the cafe guy?” 

“He told me to leave. I deserved it.” 

Donghyuk sighed and reached for his tea. how could a guy who didn't even have a bed have so much boy trouble? He chewed at his finger again as he searched for something to say. He looked over Hanbin’s shoulder at his dance studio. He remembered Yunhyeong earnestly learning choreo. He looked back at Hanbin who was staring into the eyes of his stuffed animal. 

“Well fuck Bobby, and the guy from the cafe. You should date Yunhyeong!” Donghyuk said with a nod. 

“Yunhyeong?!” Hanbin sputtered, it’d be like dating his brother! 

“Yeah! I mean, he has a thing for you. He’s plenty cute and if his pants are saying what I think they’re saying - he won’t he bad in bed either.” 

Hanbin did blush then. He did his best not to notice Yunhyeong's crotch most days. But the first time he saw Yunhyeong in pajamas he almost nutted on the spot. 

“No. I wanted Jinhwan.” 

“Well then go apologize! Say Bobby forced himself on you.” 

“He didn't.” Hanbin sighed. 

“Oh,” Donghyuk said softly and sat quietly until he sipped on his tea just to break the awkward air. 

Hanbin slept there that night. Curled around the stuffed animal and fighting the urge to scream at the lines. Donghyuk’s line was fraying, almost like someone was cutting at it with an axe. It’s impossible to be heartbreak with breaks like that. His soulmate must be dying. He slept poorly, dreaming of cable bridges snapping to pieces and slicing people in half. People he knew. When he woke Donghyuk was still sleeping. Hanbin used his washroom before tucking the stuffed animal in on the couch where he had slept. He couldn't go back to Yunhyeong. Not when Donghyuk's words bounced in his head so aggressively. 

Yunhyeong had feelings for him? Had Hanbin led him astray by letting him buy things and staying with him? He couldn't go back. He couldn't have another broken heart inside of him. He thought about broken hearts a little longer and then decided to go visit Chanwoo. 

“Chanwoo?” Hanbin called as he opened the door. 

“He left,” Junhoe replied as he got off the couch. He stalked at Hanbin and the door slammed shut with Hanbin's body being thrown up against it. “Why'd you fucking bring him here man?” 

Hanbin blinked rapidly as his brain swam from the impact of the door. Him. Yunhyeong. Chanwoo's gone? Junhoe finally learned Chanwoo knew he was cheating. Yunhyeong was the catalyst. 

“You think this day wouldn't have come if I didn't?” 

Junhoe punched Hanbin and threw him to the floor. 

“You think you can judge me?!” Junhoe shouted and then wiped his mouth. 

Hanbin turned over and touched his mouth. He was bleeding. He fought panic. 

“What's Bobby doing with you? Huh? You think it's any different? At least I don't pretend they mean anything to me. Bobby's been stringing you along like he's doing you a favour while he's fucking that Wall Street princess!” 

“And you should have been fucking your boyfriend.” Hanbin hissed as he stood. “Masturbation too good for you? You gotta use people like they're walking dildos? What, you'll bottom for strangers but not Chanwoo?” 

Junhoe walked over and punched Hanbin again. “You don't know anything.” 

“I know Bobby doesn't love me. I know Chanwoo still loves you.” Hanbin growled as he pushed Junhoe away. “I know that I'm a fuck up. But I know I don't blame anyone else for it! I'm my own fuck up! I don't pretend I'm anything else.” 

Junhoe’s hand was bleeding from a knuckle and he sucked on it for a second before turning and kicking the chair on his way to the couch. Hanbin went to the door. 

“How did you know about Bobby?” Hanbin asked softly, his hand is on the doorknob but his heart is burning with shame. “About the… girl...friend.” It’s the first time Hanbin had ever called her that.

“How do you think?” Junhoe replied lowly. 

Hanbin nodded. Chanwoo. He trusted Chanwoo with everything. Maybe they traded their sex life for talking about Hanbin's. Maybe having someone more fucked up than them helped him cope with his cheating partner. Hanbin looked at Junhoe who was holding his head with his bleeding hand. He looked at his feet and opened the door without saying anything else. 

Drugs were a blessing. A gift for troubled souls. Bobby was good at romanticizing things. Hanbin was instantly in love with his bright smile and his quick way of thinking. He spoke lazily, but it was charming. It was Bobby that rolled Hanbin’s first ever joint with nimble fingers. His eyes locked on Hanbin as he dragged the joint across his sharp tongue. Everything about Bobby was sharp. Only the pot dulled it. Hanbin loved every sharp edge of him as his fuzzy mind blurred all the noise and colour in a incomprehensible blissful mess.  

It was Bobby that first placed a too-cute pill on Hanbin’s tongue. Smiley face. Hanbin felt the rush of his pupils dilating. The spin of the earth and the bliss of being wrapped up against Bobby’s naked form. He was addicted to him. Addicted to the drugs that kept his insanity down and addicted to the feeling of an orgasm when you were two pills in on the roof with the night sky as naked as he was above him. 

They stayed like that for almost two years. Pills, parties, sex. The cloud in Hanbin’s brain kept him low and happy. Even when Bobby started bringing that girl home instead of him the drugs kept his thoughts on hold. As long as he had another night with Bobby it didn’t matter who else he fucked. It didn’t matter he started yelling, then kicking him out before the pills had worn off. The chemical reactions in his blood still made him feel loved. Until Hanbin met Jinhwan and all the drugs in the world couldn’t mimic that feeling. He had everything. Bobby came back like an addiction to pull him low again. 

“Schmaltz,” Hanbin muttered as he rubbed his face. He’d smoked three days worth of pot. It was nothing. Schmaltz, from a word a day calendar in Yunhyeong’s room. He opened his eyes and exhaled so he could watch the shape of his breath as it froze. 

“Where’s Bobby?” 

“Fuck Bobby,” Hanbin snarled and handed the money he’d taken from a blind street busker. 

“I bet you will fag,” 

“Fuck you too.” Hanbin spat and took the pills before pulling up his collar and leaving the alley. 

Hours later, Hanbin was curled up on the parkbench. Laying there on the bench he felt nothing except the world spinning around him. 

“Oh babe.” 

Hanbin knows the voice but can't move. Bobby fills his vision as he squats by the bench. 

“Babe you're a mess,” Bobby pulls at Hanbin's jacket to cover his exposed shoulder and finds it ripped. He gingerly wiped at the blood on Hanbin's lip and Hanbin flinched away. “You're going to freeze to death.” 

“Repercussions.” Hanbin said softly his voice is half frozen like the rest of him. 

“I know, I know. You think you deserve it. Come on. Let's go home.” Bobby picked Hanbin up easily and carried him. 


	9. Iris

Bobby fucks him almost as soon as they're in his apartment. He didn't see the point of wasting the mix of chemicals in Hanbin's blood. He isn’t gentle with him. The heat from Bobby's skin felt like a passing iron trying to remove wrinkles. Hanbin is too stoned to make proper noises. But Bobby uses enough lube, and Hanbin's desperate for warmth. He sucks all the heat he can from Bobby's body before he leaves him in the bed to order Chinese food. 

In the morning, Hanbin’s body is aching from the pill withdrawal and Bobby’s rough sex. He gasped slightly as he stretched out and then rolls over to light the joint that Bobby had left for him. Hanbin looks at Bobby as he takes a long drag. Really it shouldn't surprise him that Bobby would take advantage of him, but it did. Hanbin shook his head and stomped in the bed. 

“Fucking stupid.” 

“Yeh, you are.” Bobby grinned as he rolled over. He took the joint from Hanbin and smiled. “Isn't this better than that park bench?” 

Hanbin held his face and didn't reply. He feels a stab of panic when he thinks of the day. 

“I have work.” 

“You don’t work,” Bobby laughed like he was still sleeping as Hanbin leapt out of bed. 

“I do, I have to go.” Hanbin said and rushed across the hall. He locked the door and even though he knew it’d make him late, got a shower. 

He’s rough looking, his eyes are almost purple underneath from the drugs. His mouth is still swollen and scabbed from Junhoe’s fist. He pulled on a white shirt and sighed before getting a sweater and rushing to work. 

He runs until his body ache is too much. Then is forced to walk feverishly with his head down. Too many people staring. Too many lines screaming. Red. Broken. Purple. Frayed. Red. Knotted poorly. Hanbin swatted at them as he started to run again. Body be damned. He just needed some noise. 

He was over an hour late by the time he finally got  to the restaurant. He pulled off his sweater as he walked down the hallway. Maybe if he just kept his head down he could get away with another warning. 

No one says anything to him and he's glad. The waiter that was doing dishes for him thanked him with sincerity as he handed over his apron. Hanbin nodded. Routine. Only twenty minutes into his shift he hears a new line cook drop a pot. He's jittery from withdrawal and his hands shook. There is a lane on the counter for the tray to be slid along to the drying racks. But it's faster to carry them. Hanbin couldn't stand the quiet while he waited for the washer to run again, he's three seconds from the drying rack when a line behind his ear pulled tight and a shout echoes from it like feedback from a microphone. 

_ GET OUT _

The line breaks and Hanbin had his hands over his ears. He was trying to process the image of the shattered crystal on the floor. It's all too quiet. 

“What the fuck is this?” the manager grabbed Hanbin’s shoulder and pulled him away from the mess. “What the fuck! Are you stoned street rat?”

“I just - had a hard night -” 

“You’re fucking stoned right now aren’t you!” the manager’s hand gripped tighter and he pulled Hanbin through the kitchen. “It was bad enough boss took on this charity case. Every single other person in this kitchen worked hard to get here and you’re going to show up stoned and break hundreds of dollars of our property! No fucking way.” 

Hanbin fell to his hands as the manager tossed him out the back door. “Don’t come back. And don’t worry about your last paycheck - you just spent it.” 

Yunhyeong heard the yelling, the next chef over made eye contact with him and then motioned with his head. Yunhyeong nodded and hurried down the second hallway, hiding behind the laundry and grabbing Hanbin's sweater as the manager went back in. He ran to Hanbin in the alleyway. 

“What was that?” Yunhyeong asked as Hanbin got to his feet slowly. He nearly shouted at Hanbin’s face. “What the hell happened? Hanbin, are you seriously stoned right now?”

“I just -” 

“CHEF SONG!” the manager slammed open the back door. “You get your ass back in here or you’re fired with him!” 

“What?!” Yunhyeong replied as his stomach went cold. 

“He’s only here because of you!” 

Yunhyeong looked at the manager with such spite he actually went back inside. When he looked back at Hanbin the spite had softened. His heart was pounding. 

“I’ll cover the cost of the dishes. Just leave before he calls the cops okay?” Yunhyeong wiped his face and tossed the sweater over before turning to go back inside the restaurant. 

Hanbin can't even think of the right word that encompasses his loss. He pulled on the sweater and kept the hood around his ears. The line snap still echoes in his ears. The far off cry of feedback makes his brain rattle with ringing. He doesn't even know he's walking until he gets honked at. 

“Death wish,” Hanbin muttered as he looked up. His heart lurched as he realized how close he was to Jinhwan's cafe.  

He tried to ignore it. But he found himself turning down into the alley. It's too much to expectation Jinhwan to be waiting. He knocked on the door. He doesn't see the person fully. Just eyes in the narrow window that's obscured by safety mesh. 

“No freebies!”

“Jinhwan?” Hanbin knocked again. 

There was silence for awhile and Hanbin kept knocking. 

“He's not coming! You have to leave!” 

“Jinhwan!!” Hanbin shouted and it hurt his ears. He held his head for a second. He saw the shake of the purple line. He kicked the door and heard a little shriek. 

There's more running. Another line. Red. Voices. Hanbin shouts at nothing. He just needed Jinhwan!

“I called the police!” the girl called through the door. 

“I just need to see Jinhwan please!” 

Hanbin pounded on the door before pressing his head against it. When the police arrived he was still like that. 

“Hey man you alright?” 

“I just wanted to talk to Jinhwan,” Hanbin’s voice echoes off the door.

“He can’t talk to you right now, alright? Can you come away from that door for me?” 

Hanbin turned slowly. He can hear the officer talk into his radio. ‘ _ I know this guy, KIM Hanbin went by alias BI a few years back. He's homeless, does some drugs. He’s not aggressive when he's alone. Don’t send back up. We’ll just take him to a shelter to sleep off whatever he took.’  _ Hanbin blinked a few times as daylight hit his eyes. 

“Alright, keep walking over to me. What happened to your face? Fighting?” 

“Got beat up.” Hanbin said softly. “I deserved it.” 

“Well I don’t know about that. It looks pretty nasty. Do you want a medic to look at that lip?” 

“I want to talk to Jinhwan.” 

“Well how about you go walk to my partner by the car there and I’ll see if Jinhwan will talk to me.” 

Hanbin looked around and saw another officer walking into the alley. He shuffled along dully. He heard the door opening behind him and he covered his ears. The other officer patted him on the back a few times before walking with him to the car. 

“The girls just got scared, he was hitting the door.” Jinhwan said as he rubbed his head a few times. The police officer took some notes. “I just, we were dating. We broke up. I broke up with him. I just- I don’t want him to get in trouble okay? He’s got enough going on.” 

“Alright, where’s he staying these days? Do you know which shelter?” 

“No, he’s not homeless. He has a roommate, I have his number.” Jinhwan said and pulled out his cellphone. 

“His roommate’s name isn’t Bobby is it?” the officer asked after a momentary expression of concern.

“No it’s Yunhyeong.” Jinhwan said in a thin voice. Bobby. Was that who kissed him?

“Good, good. Just wondering. If we get called back we’ll have to arrest him.” the officer said and wrote down the number Jinhwan had brought up on his screen.

Jinhwan nodded and swallowed a lump in his throat.

“Have a good day.” 

“You too.” Jinhwan said softly as he watched Hanbin be helped into the back of the police car. His heart aches for him to yell out. _ Wait. I’ll talk to him. I’m sorry. _ Instead he went back into the cafe. 


	10. I'm Not Okay. I Promise.

Hanbin couldn't bring himself to go into the building. The officers were waiting for him, but his hands were shaking with his key. He can’t go in. He looked up and held his breath as he pushed the door open. He heard the squad car’s tires turn on the half-frozen ground. He pretends to be checking for mail as he watched the car leave. They’ll be watching for him, so he rushed through the building to go out the emergency exit in the back. The door’s alarm wailed into life as he ran into the back parking lot and into the evening. 

A few months ago Hanbin probably would have bummed around until he had enough money for another pill. Tonight he's just lonely. He's too quickly running out of places. He's fucked up everything. Chanwoo gone. Yunhyeong nearly fired. Jinhwan. He held his face. Jinhwan. Jinhwan Jinhwan. He couldn't help but hold his breath when a cop car passed him. 

“Suspicious” he scolded himself and turned down an alley to reach Donghyuk's faster. He thinks about the line to Donghyuk's soulmate to shake Jinhwan's face from his mind. The deep gashes. He swallowed hard as he sneaked in behind a custodian and hurried upstairs. 

Hanbin saw the snap in perfect vision, it echoed like a door slam through his mind as he shut his eyes and froze on the stairs. Too late. The images from the dream surface, Donghyuk torn in two as the cable bridge falls apart. Lines held tightly always break the most dangerously. 

“Donghyuk!!” Hanbin shouted and raced up the stairs. He threw open the door and the heat of the apartment slapped him in the face. “Donghyuk!” 

Hanbin heard a noise to his right. Donghyuk had fallen to his knees. He stared at the floor and was breathing like he was in pain. Hanbin wiped his mouth and turned away for a moment. What the fuck was he going to say? 

“Why were you yelling?” Donghyuk asked as he looked up. Tears already falling from his eyes, he wiped them and looked around for something to brace his hands against. “What’s wrong? Where did you go I was worried.” 

Hanbin hated himself. Donghyuk was still worrying about him first. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t… I think I have heartburn or -” Donghyuk got to his feet and faltered. Hanbin rushed to catch him. 

“Your line is broken.” Hanbin said softly, the line lay like a sick animal around Donghyuk's feet. Silent. “It just broke.” 

“What?” Donghyuk looked at him with pained confusion. “Hanbin are you stoned again? What the fuck does that mean?” 

“I’m not stoned. Your line. Fate line. I can see them. Yours snapped... just now.” 

“How do you know that?” Donghyuk's voice was thin, like he was forcing it out of a throat that was closed off. 

“I… I can see them.” Hanbin confessed and he watched Donghyuk’s forehead wrinkle with confusion before the dancer pushed him away. 

“See them? Soulmate connections?” 

“Yeah.”

“Always?”

“Since I was a kid.” 

“So you knew?” Donghyuk's chin trembled and Hanbin felt his heart race. “You could see my line breaking?” 

“I didn’t think… it just started… I thought you had more time I -” 

“You knew?!” Donghyuk hissed through the new tears that coated his cheeks. “You knew this would happen and you did nothing? You could have warned me! I could have been prepared but you-” 

Donghyuk was overcome with an angry sob. Hanbin was filled with a unpleasant heat in his stomach. Old memories of shame and guilt bubbled to the surface. 

“Leave!” Donghyuk shouted and threw a pillow at the man in his doorway. “LEAVE!”

Hanbin bounced off the far wall as he ran from the voices. Donghyuk’s voice splitting with a sob.  _ Leave _ . Jinhwan’s bitter hiss.  _ Leave.  _ Bobby’s taunting voice in the morning.  _ Leave. _ Yunhyeong in the alley.  _ Just leave. _

Hanbin missed the last step out of the loft and nearly landed on his face. Someone caught him and asked him if he was okay but Hanbin couldn't really hear the words. The lines are screaming. His hands clapped to his ears and he mumbled and then shouted to himself. The ringing inside his head echoed off of the buildings, louder than the low roar of cars beside him. 

“Cacophony. Cacophony.” Hanbin nearly ran into someone as he walked. 

People were moving for him now. Parting like the sea for some biblical prophet. It suited him fine. His stomach was churning. Filled with nothing but body made chemicals that rocked harder than the sour milk he once drank by mistake. He threw his hands palm up against a wall as his body found something to vomit up. The burn was worse than cheap whiskey shooters. Hanbin's eyes glazed over with protective tears. 

“Gross,” 

“What the fuck buddy?” 

“Is he drunk?”

Hanbin pressed his face against the brick and cursed as best he could. He heard himself slur and shut his eyes as he rolled to lean against the wall and exhaled while he wiped his nose

“Does he need help?” 

“We could call the cops?” 

Hanbin furrowed his eyebrows and shouted, his acid raw throat protested with a harsh tightening. The few women that had stopped flinched and he walked suddenly. 

He didn't need help. He needed to get stoned. His body moved automatically. His whole body felt like a leather hide dried tight by the sun. Every movement cracked him. The lines followed him, their screaming dissolved into white noise. 

“Bobby,” Hanbin called into the door. “BOBBY!”

Hanbin’s chest was suddenly full of hot pressure. It erupted in a sob that sent him down on his knees. The sob triggered a dry heave of his stomach that sent his head to the floor. 

“Bobby please,” Hanbin choked out and then held his head. Shifting until he was leaning up against the door frame. 

Yunhyeong worked his second double shift in two days to cover the cost of Hanbin's accident with the dishes. He didn't mind. A full paycheck with Hanbin's name on it was in his pocket and he felt satisfied. He was yawning as he took the last turn to enter the hallway that would take him to his apartment. He saw the lump against Bobby's door and his heart lurched. 

“Hanbin?” Yunhyeong took off in a run and knelt be Hanbin. He was crying, asleep or close to it. Yunhyeong reached out with shaking hands and touched Hanbin's shoulder. “Hanbin?” 

Hanbin's eyes shot open and he flinched away. Yunhyeong didn't move until the panic in Hanbin's eyes was replaced with more tears. 

“Hey, Hanbin...” Yunhyeong exhaled and squatted and looked at the door he was leaned up against. He was waiting for Bobby? but it wasn't safe to leave him. “Do you… wanna wait in the apartment?”

Hanbin nodded and wiped his face. Yunhyeong half carried him in without saying anything more. The smell of the vomit nearly made Yunhyeong gag as he used his foot to knock the seat and lid down on his toilet so he could set Hanbin down on it. Hanbin immediately nearly fell off into the tub. 

“I'm going to take your shirt off okay?” Yunhyeong said as he used his knees to keep Hanbin steady as he pulled off the putrid shirt and sweaters and tossed them into the tub. Hanbin fell forward, face pressed into Yunhyeong's thigh as the chef reached over to wet a hand towel. “Here we go.” 

Yunhyeong pushed Hanbin back gently before kneeling a little to get a better look at Hanbin's face. The bruises and split lip are barely healing. Yunhyeong felt his mouth go dry as he started cleaning Hanbin’s neck first. 

“Are you on anything right now?” 

Hanbin shook his head and looked at his clothes in the tub. 

“I'm not mad if you are.” Yunhyeong said as he refolded the towel and moved on to cleaning Hanbin's face. “I just… if you need the hospital…”

“Sleep,” Hanbin’s voice came out rough and exhausted. 

“Alright. We can do that.” Yunhyeong wiped Hanbin's face again and his heart ached. Hanbin's eyes were unfocused. “Hanbin,” 

Hanbin still stared at the clothes in the tub. 

“I don't… I'd miss you. If you left. I-if you were gone. Okay?” 

Hanbin nodded but Yunhyeong didn't know if he was really responding. His eyes were still unfocused. He exhaled hard and finished cleaning Hanbin's skin as best he could. 

The couch had dance books on it, so Yunhyeong put Hanbin in his bed. He's breathing was so shallow Yunhyeong couldn't bring himself to sleep. Instead he made coffee, grabbed a dance book and sat on the bed beside him. Hanbin rolled over and wrapped his arms around Yunhyeong's hips. Yunhyeong sighed and touched Hanbin's serene face softly before going back to his book. 


	11. Come On Skinny Love

Over twenty hours passed before Hanbin woke up. Yunhyeong called in sick for the first time in his life, he spent his day cleaning out his fridge, organizing his spices, or doing laundry between checks on Hanbin. His breathing was less shallow. Yunhyeong sat beside him on the bed and sighed. How crazy his life had become since meeting Hanbin. 

The first moment of eye contact was three weeks before he went to the club. In that moment perhaps their fates were twisted together. Yunhyeong was unsure if he was better or worse off for it. He shifted down and looked at Hanbin's sleeping face. Hanbin probably didn't know if he was better or worse off either. Maybe there wasn't such a thing. Better or worse. At least Hanbin wasn't sleeping off his high in the street. At least Yunhyeong wasn't alone. At least as fucked up as life had gotten - they had each other. 

After a nap Yunhyeong decided to make supper. Something light and warm. Soup seemed good. He had some frozen from a few weeks ago and just worked on thawing that and adding fresh seasoning while he made some fresh bread to go with it when Hanbin finally woke up. Yunhyeong heard him thump off the bed and rushed to him. His hands covered in flour. 

“Are you alright?” 

“My legs are stiff.” Hanbin slurred in a little grumble as he let Yunhyeong help him up. 

“I'm making some food. Do you think you can handle a bath?” 

Hanbin nodded after a second and Yunhyeong helped him to the washroom. His tub wasn't big, but it was probably better that way. Less room for Hanbin to slip down. Yunhyeong turned on the water while Hanbin struggled with his clothes. Yunhyeong turned and helped him stripped. Somehow the days of Yunhyeong blushing because of underwear were years ago. He calmly helped a naked Hanbin into the tub without any extra thought. 

“I'll bring you some clothes. Supper will be done when you're out. Okay?” 

“Okay,” Hanbin sighed with his eyes closed. The water was steaming hot, it had to feel good on his stiff muscles. 

Yunhyeong didn't shut the door fully so he could still hear if Hanbin needed help. Calmly he went to his room and picked out some of his favourite pajamas. Maybe if he didn't let Hanbin get dressed properly he wouldn't run off again. 

In twenty minutes the food was done and Hanbin pulled himself out of the tub and was able to dress himself. He sat heavily at the table. Yunhyeong already had food waiting. A far off part of Hanbin's brain wanted to cry. God why did a piece of shit like him ever get someone like Yunhyeong? His hands were still trembling when he picked up his bread. He saw Yunhyeong watching him. He thought of Donghyuk. He should be the one who had Yunhyeong right now. 

“Can you… go visit Donghyuk?”

“You don't want to go?” Yunhyeong's mouth pulled into a little pout. 

“I think it'd be better if I didn't.” Hanbin said softly.

“What happened?” Yunhyeong asked gently.  _ ‘What did you do?’ _ Bounced around his head as an afterthought. He felt guilty for thinking it. 

“His… soulmate died.” 

Yunhyeong blinked a few times. How could Hanbin have known that? What did that mean? His mouth opened slowly. 

“Can I explain it later?” Hanbin interrupted before Yunhyeong could speak and rubbed his eyes. “I really… I really need you to check on him. I'm… scared.” 

“Of him?” 

“For him,” Hanbin uncovered his face and looked at Yunhyeong. His eyes were shining like he was holding back tears. “Please. Can you go see him?” 

“Yeah. “ Yunhyeong swallowed hard. “I'll go right now.”

Yunhyeong's hands were shaking as he rushed to his car. Hanbin unnerved him, scared  _ for _ Donghyuk. Why would he be scared for him? He exhaled to calm himself with his eyes closed before he turned on his car. He reached for his phone and activated voice search. 

“What happens when your soulmate dies?” 

Yunhyeong set his phone down and put on his seatbelt before starting to drive. His phone narrated its search results. 

“The death of a soulmate can manifest in many ways. For those with loose, platonic, or mild romantic connections, symptoms are rare. Often mild headaches or drowsiness at most. For tight or romantic connections felt strongly, symptoms can be moderate to severe. Blood pressure can drop, fainting or loss of dexterity, chest pressure similar to anxiety attacks. At the most severe, the death of a soulmate can cause Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy or Stress Cardiomyopathy.” 

Yunhyeong looked at his phone on a red light and hit the term. His hands were shaking. He was speeding as soon as the light was green. 

“Stress Cardiomyopathy is a temporary weakening of the muscular part of the heart. Triggered by emotional stress, such as the death of a loved one, it can cause acute heart failure.” 

“Shit,” Yunhyeong cursed and swallowed hard as he increased his speed even more. It felt like his heart was about to burst. He realized just how badly he needed Donghyuk to be okay when he got to the apartment. Donghyuk needed to be okay. He needed Donghyuk to be okay. 

He took the stairs two at time and knocked and turned the doorknob. Unlocked. Yunhyeong stepped into the apartment. His nose met with the jarring scent of old take-out going stale on the counter. He frowned and then went in deeper, leaving on his shoes but taking off his jacket. “Donghyuk?” 

Donghyuk was sitting in his living room, bloodshot eyes locked on a muted TV. On the floor and coffee table were cut up newspapers. 

“Donghyuk-” 

Donghyuk looked over in a flinching kind of turn and made a soft noise. Almost like he was embarrassed. His hands flew to the clippings and he hurriedly trying to scoop them all up together.

“Hey- hey-” Yunhyeong dropped his coat and rushed over to take Donghyuk’s hands. Donghyuk let out a dry sob. “What are you doing?” 

“I just… thought.” Donghyuk refused to look at him. “Maybe in the obits….I’d find…” 

“Your soulmate?” Yunhyeong confirmed and Donghyuk’s eyes stung with fresh tears as he nodded. 

“I wanted them so bad Yunhyeong,” Donghyuk fell back and sobbed, Yunhyeong sat on the edge of the couch stunned. “I wanted everything. I wanted to stay up all night talking, to know their favourite ice cream. I wanted the fights and-” Donghyuk’s voice broke painfully and Yunhyeong pushed the coffee table away to embrace him. The soft rustling of paper floating to the floor filled the space between Donghyuk’s sobs.  

“Shh… Donghyuk…” 

“Now they’re gone and I don’t even know their name.” Donghyuk dug his fingers into Yunhyeong’s back painfully. “All I have is this awful pit inside me and I keep slipping deeper into it.” 

“You can't slip when you're holding on like this,” Yunhyeong whispered and gripped Donghyuk just as tightly. “So just hold on to me, okay?” 

Donghyuk sobbed and nodded. 

Hanbin was going crazy in the apartment. Too much silence. His brain was too raw to take the whispers along the lines. He itched everywhere. Yunhyeong was going to be gone for awhile probably. Hanbin saw his paycheck on the fridge. He never did a bank trip on his own, but it would occupy him. 

He whispered at the clothes as he pulled them on. His own little stash kept in a hallway closet Yunhyeong hadn't been using. He folded the paycheck exactly the way Yunhyeong did, digging for his bank card in his little box of things on the counter. Yunhyeong had helped him replace his ID cards, helped him become a person again in so many different ways. He'd never be able to repay him. 

“Gratitude.” He mumbled as he shoved his spare key into his pocket and then opened the door. 

“Well look at my luck!” 

Hanbin froze as the door shut and locked behind him. Bobby was coming down the hallway with a beaming smile. 

“All prettied up and ready for me?” 

Bobby's against him in a second. Hanbin's still gripping the house key. It's jagged edge painful in his hand. 

“I'm not yours.” 

Bobby laughed and leaned in. “You'll always be mine.” 

“I don't want you. I don't love you. I don't want you. I don't want you. I don't want you.” Hanbin shoved and tried not to cry. He's too raw emotionally. He hated being sober. Everything was too strong. Too real. Too loud. Bobby kept him fucked up. Bobby needed him fucked up. Hanbin didn't want to be needed like that. 

_ “She’s not your soulmate you know,” Hanbin said quietly as he watched Bobby get ready.  _

_ “Would you fuck off with your bad trip shit.” Bobby snarled and kicked a chair at him. “What the fuck is a soulmate anyway? Is it you?” Bobby laughed a nasty laugh. “Who the fuck would want you?”  _

_ “You want me.” Hanbin frowned.  _

_ Bobby laughed and laughed.  _

“Who the fuck cares about love.” Bobby laughed and pinned Hanbin with a thigh between his legs. “And you'll want me for your next fix. You druggie slut. You're always going to be addicted to my dick.” 

“No!” Hanbin shouted and shoved Bobby with all his might. “I mean it! I don't want you! I don't want your fucking drugs. You don't even care about me!”

Bobby honestly looked hurt. His face flickered through a range of emotions before settling on pained indifference. 

“Whatever, you were just a good fuck,” Bobby sniffed and opened his door. 

“I mattered! I mattered to you!” Hanbin shouted and kicked the door after it slammed in his face. He hit the door a few more times until tears fell from his eyes. 

He  _ mattered _ . 

He did. 

Furious tears ran down his face as he turned and started to leave the hallway. 

A night at the club usually recharged Junhoe. He loved the attention. He was still gorgeous, he still made men and women turn and take long looks as he passed. He hated being in the apartment, so he naturally ended up here. Chanwoo was always working long shifts. Odd shifts that put them in opposite worlds. By the time Chanwoo got a schedule that matched his Junhoe was addicted. He loved the flirting. He loved the easy sex. In some sort of twisted guilt he convinced himself if he only had sex and didn't stay it wasn't so bad. He wasn't trying to replace Chanwoo. He could never. He wouldn't dare try. 

He saw a redhead with pretty green eyes that grinned at him. She had never been here before. Girls were always fun. So he finished his drink in one swallow before heading over. 

“We aren't you just the prettiest damn thing I've seen all night.” She smiled and licked her lip. 

“Well I don't know about that, that's a mean looking cocktail.” 

“Save your flirting for her,” Antonia scoffed as she passed. 

Junhoe and the redhead laughed together. He wanted to try another line, she's gorgeous and would be barely any work. But she had a dimple and suddenly Junhoe was overwhelmed with the phantom feeling of Chanwoo's mouth on his. His heart filled with a hot metal kind of feeling. Suddenly there were tears in his eyes. He excused himself and shook his head on his way to the washroom. His hands were shaking as he entered Chanwoo's familiar number. The last text he sent was almost two months ago. He went right to voicemail. His voice was shaking along with his hands as he heard Chanwoo's voice in the recorded greeting. 

“Chanu…. i-its June. Junhoe. Hey, um… can we talk?” Junhoe laughed bitterly as he felt his tears fall. He wiped his nose with his hand and then fell forward a little to press his face against cool metal. “I miss you…” 


	12. Standing By

The first snow finally came and Yunhyeong didn't like that he came home to an empty apartment. He changed into a heavy turtleneck and a lined trench coat. He hadn't had a chance to get Hanbin a heavier jacket yet, so he hit the streets with a nervous pace. It's too cold for him to be out. 

He was naturally drawn to the bridge where they first met. He's pleased and devastated to see Hanbin curled up there. His head low between his knees. Without saying anything Yunhyeong slid down beside him. 

“What's up?” 

Hanbin looked over and shook his head. “You should have just let me jump.” 

Yunhyeong's heart pounded. The first night. He thought he was overthinking Hanbin's pose. “That would have been the biggest regret in my life.” 

Hanbin looked over as Yunhyeong pulled his turtleneck up further over his chin. 

“More than sleeping with Junhoe. More than that time I accidentally broke my mom's crystal vase and tried to hide it in the trash and my dad cut his arm open on it and needed sixteen stitches. More than that time I thought coarse salt and sea salt were interchangeable.” Yunhyeong laughed to himself at the memory. 

“I've never… had anyone stay.” 

“Why?” Yunhyeong asked finally. His heart was aching. “What happened that made you that guy sitting on a bridge ready to jump?”

“Do you believe in soulmates?” Hanbin asked and finally rose his head. 

“A little. Not as much as Donghyuk or anything.” 

“They're real. The connections. I can see them.” 

“So that's how… you knew about Donghyuk.” 

Hanbin nodded and coughed roughly. “When I was a kid. I thought everyone could see them. My parents… they didn't believe me. They put me in treatments. Said I saw things that weren't real. Heard things that weren't real. Hated me for not responding to treatment.” 

“Jesus Christ Hanbin.” Yunhyeong honestly couldn't process the suffering he must have went through.” 

“So I left too young. Stayed away from people. Bobby… Bobby helped. Drugs help.” 

“Those drugs aren't helping you Hanbin. They're hurting you just as much.” 

Hanbin looked over at Yunhyeong with a little scowl. “Your soulmate. Bobby is your soulmate. I don't get it. You're all daylight and warm and-” Hanbin shook his head. 

“That’s …” 

“Disappointing?” 

“No, It makes me feel better.” Yunhyeong laughed a little and looked at his hands. “All this time, I kept wondering why I stayed in that apartment, why I couldn’t bring myself to leave even though I could do better.”

Hanbin had to agree, it was odd that Yunhyeong would stay in a low-end place when he had shoes that cost as much as his rent. 

“Now I know, it was because my soulmate was there.” Yunhyeong smiled brightly. He looked at Hanbin who gave him a weak smile in return. Yunhyeong stood suddenly and offered his hand to Hanbin. “You’re freezing. Come on.” 

“I was going to the bank.” Hanbin said as he pulled his paycheck out of his pocket. Yunhyeong turned. “You got me this and I never said thank you.” 

“Manager is a leaking sack of human garbage. You didn't drop those dishes on purpose. Everyone in the kitchen is pissed for you.” Yunhyeong said lowly. 

Hanbin gripped the paper in his hands. His fingers are bright red from the cold. He looked at Yunhyeong. 

“Thank you.” Hanbin said and looked back at the paper. 

Yunhyeong smiled and looked at Hanbin. 

“I'm not going back to Bobby.” Hanbin said softly. 

“Good.”

“Ever.” Hanbin said with a shake of his head. 

“Hanbin. That's really good.” Yunhyeong touched Hanbin's arm and smiled at him. “Do you want to do the bank still or go home?” 

“Home.” Hanbin said softly. His heart felt strange as he said it. “I want to go home. With you.” 

“Awesome. Let's go.” Yunhyeong smiled and took the paycheck from Hanbin. “Put your hands in your pockets at least. You'll get frostbite.” 

Yunhyeong couldn't believe how warm his apartment felt as he stepped in. Still, he went to the thermostat to turn it up a few degrees. At least until Hanbin thawed out. He meant to ask what he wanted for supper. But when he turned Hanbin was right there. Before he can speak they're kissing. 

Hanbin's mouth on his made his heart race. His heart filled with a latent sort of excitement. He'd been ignoring how much he wanted it, suddenly he was holding Hanbin's face and Hanbin was making little moans that set his blood on fire. He felt Hanbin's hand creep down his pants and he softly pulled away. 

“You don't want me,” Yunhyeong said softly. “You just don't think you'll get anyone else.”

“No, Yunhyeong that isn't-” Hanbin pressed himself against Yunhyeong's thigh and Yunhyeong shut his eyes to control a passing urge as he felt Hanbin's erection pressing into him. “I want you.” 

“I've made this mistake already.” Yunhyeong said with a sad little smile as he ran his thumbs over Hanbin's cheeks. “Fucking me won't change how much you miss Jinhwan.” 

“He won't see me,” Hanbin protested and tried to pull Yunhyeong in closer. 

“He will. He loves you.” Yunhyeong gave him a sincere smile then and gently pushed him away. “Go in the front door. Talk to him politely. Hanbin, you deserve someone who you want with your whole self, who wants you back the same way. Don't run because you think you don't.” 

Yunhyeong could see the conflict in Hanbin's eyes but he eventually nodded. Yunhyeong sighed and rubbed his forehead as Hanbin turned away. His groin was aching. It's been too long since he'd been aroused like that. It almost felt painful, he rubbed his hands over his bulging crotch as he prayed for patience and sanity. 

“If you're going out again you're wearing gloves.” He said finally and shook his head as he went to his closet to get some winter things for Hanbin to wear. 

Hanbin’s whole body was trembling as he looked at the cafe. It's not too busy. It's an hour until closed. He can go in. He's not banned. He won't yell. He'll just ask calmly for Jinhwan. Calmly. He exhaled and walked up the steps. He knew the girl who sees him first. Red line. Strong. He opened his mouth but she's already turning. Hanbin saw Jinhwan leaning against the counter. His hair is a pretty shade of pink. 

“That homeless guy is here again,” she whispered lowly to Jinhwan. Jinhwan’s back was to the cafe and he spun to look. 

“He’s not homeless he’s just...” Jinhwan sighed  _ ‘fucked up’ _ He heard the girl mumble behind him before he went over to Hanbin who was slumped at the table with his eyes glazed over. He set a coffee in front of him. “Why are you here?” 

“I fucked up,” 

“And I told you to leave,” Jinhwan replied curtly and looked around before exhaling hard and sitting down. He looked at Hanbin who finally locked eyes with him. He looked like he did back when they first met. Though he dressed cleaner and didn't stink of pot. The realization made empathy rush through Jinhwan’s heart, he quickly squashed it. 

“I didn't want to kiss him. I wanted you. I still want you.” Hanbin said and waved his hand like he was swatting a fly. “I fucked him and I wanted it to be you. I tried to fuck someone else and I wanted it to be you.” 

“Why are you telling me this?” Jinhwan shut his eyes as he replied. Empathy replaced with hot jealousy and heartbreak. This bastard really didn't get it. 

“Because I don't want to miss you anymore.” Hanbin looked at Jinhwan again, and somehow his eyes seemed clearer than before. “Even drugs can't erase you.” 

Jinhwan fell back into his chair and looked away to exhale. When there was nothing left in his lungs he held his face for a moment before leaning forward again. “Hanbin…” 

“I shouldn’t be here.” Hanbin said suddenly, like he had noticed a do not enter sign. He seemed panicked as he stood. 

“Meet me out front in an hour.” Jinhwan called after him. 

Hanbin paused and looked at the man at the table. That curious white line floating gently around him seemed to be changing. It almost seemed pink? Jinhwan stood and Hanbin looked at his face again, desperately making himself focus. “I’m off then, we can go somewhere...and  _ talk. _ ” 

Hanbin nodded and looked down before turning back and leaving the cafe. 

Yunhyeong went back for Donghyuk after a few hours, Donghyuk tried to teach a class and found himself unable. He had to tell everyone his aunt died. How can you explain heartbreak for someone you never got to see? Never got to hold. Yunhyeong picked him up at the studio. He didn't say anything, Donghyuk put a hand on Yunhyeong’s knee as he drove. 

‘ _ Still hanging on.’ _ Yunhyeong thought with a little smile. 

Yunhyeong decided a movie night with some flatbread pizza would be nice and distracting. It would also use up some sauce he made last week. He set Donghyuk up with the movie menu and went to work gathering ingredients for flatbread dough when the phone rang. 

“Chanwoo! What's up? Ah yeah… hold on a second.” Yunhyeong looked at Donghyuk sitting on his couch. “You okay if someone comes over?” 

Donghyuk looked over and then nodded. He smiled a little at Yunhyeong's thumb up. 

“Yes we can cook. I have a friend over, is that okay?” 

After talking a little more Yunhyeong went over and sat beside Donghyuk on the couch. “So remember that hook up I talked about before?”

“Yeah of course.” Donghyuk said with a serious nod. Yunhyeong cried in front of him for the first time talking about it. It cemented Donghyuk's affection for him. 

“The guy that coming over now is his boyfriend.” 

“You stayed friends?” 

“Kind of? I give him cooking lessons.” Yunhyeong laughed a little. “I want to be friends with him. It helps… as weird as that might be.” 

“I get it.” Donghyuk nodded. “It's nice some sort of relationship came from a moment you were so sure proved how alone you were.” 

Yunhyeong couldn't help himself. He leaned forward and kissed Donghyuk's forehead and then stood suddenly. 

“I should figure out what we're cooking.” He tried to turn quickly enough to hide his blush. The lie was too obvious. Donghyuk already said he was excited for pizza. Too obvious. His blush deepened. 

Chanwoo knocked lightly on the door. It wasn't a great location to live. Given the high end restaurant that Yunhyeong worked at, Chanwoo knew he could afford better. He was pondering why when the door opened. Yunhyeong smiled as brightly as ever. 

“Hey come in.” Yunhyeong motioned with his head. 

The inside of the apartment looked way more like Chanwoo had imagined. Clean and styled with modern furniture. The friend Yunhyeong mentioned is sitting on the couch. Curled up and looking ragged. He looked like he hadn't slept in a month. There is something to his eyes that made Chanwoo nervous. He joined Yunhyeong in the kitchen. 

“What happened to him? Is he a… is he like Hanbin?” Chanwoo whispered and nodded at the man on the couch. 

“His soulmate died.” Yunhyeong said softly. “His connection… shattered. It's been… devastating.”

Chanwoo's heart filled with ice. He was terrified looking at Donghyuk who looked like Hanbin after a bad weekend with Bobby. Was that his fate? If he let Junhoe slip away until their line finally broke. If he gave up all hope and pretended he didn’t love Junhoe anymore? He excused himself and went out on the fire escape. It was freezing and he shivered right away. He didn't need to listen to the voice mail. It was etched in his heart. Every fluctuation. Every barely held back emotion. Junhoe always kept his emotions so close to the surface. Chanwoo finally hit dial as the number came up on his screen. There were ten hang ups for the same number in his call log. His heart erupted into life as he heard Junhoe’s greeting. He was glad no one could see his automatic smile, and then the way it fluttered with sadness.

“Junhoe, h-Hey. Yeah, it's Chanwoo.” 


	13. Stay

Jinhwan was waiting with his hands in his pockets when Hanbin went back an hour later. His nose is pink like the first night they kissed. Hanbin's heart ached and his greeting is erased by longing. Jinhwan turned and waved a little. He held his hand awkwardly in the air for a second before he stuffed it back into his pocket as he walked over. 

“Can I say something before we get started?” Jinhwan said as he reached Hanbin. 

Hanbin could only nod. 

“I shouldn't have let you get taken away in that cop car. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that.” 

The last thing Hanbin expected was for Jinhwan to start with an apology. Honestly it made perfect sense to him that he left in the cop car. 

“How long can we… are you busy?” 

“No.” Jinhwan shook his head. 

Hanbin rubbed his face. His hands are shaking already. He's warm at least in Yunhyeong's heavy wool jacket. “I'm going to tell you everything.” 

“Everything what? I don't want details about your sex life-” 

“No!” Hanbin felt panicked and he took a step forward. Like he had to catch Jinhwan before he left. “I mean I want you… to understand me. Why I'm so fucked up. Why I do such stupid things why I can't…” 

Jinhwan chewed his mouth. “You want me to tell you it's okay that you kissed that other guy?” 

“No!” Hanbin pulled his hair with frustration. Why can't he get his words right?! “I want you to know why I really deserved to be put in that cop car. Why the cop knew my name. Why he knew I was probably on something. Why I deserve every shitty thing that happened to me. How my life was so fundamentally wrong and dark and jagged. So you know the true value of me saying you were- are - you are - being with you was such a bright and precious moment to me and my biggest regret is fucking that moment up.” 

Jinhwan exhaled slow and looked at the sky. Willing his tears to stay in his eyes. “Alright,” 

They walked slowly as Hanbin started talking. He started from his childhood. When he was five he started talking about the lines. All of his earliest memories had the lines in them. He was a fussy baby. Always crying. Nothing would help. His parents were always exhausted. As he grew they started noticing he was different. He talked about things they couldn't see. He cried and cried about things they didn't understand. Loud voices. Loud bangs. 

By the time he was six he had been to seven doctors. No one knew how to treat him. They bounced from place to place. Treatment after treatment. Drugs. Old drugs. New drugs. Experimental ones. 

He resisted everything. So they kept going. 

When he was 13 years old he had been wetting the bed so consistently his parents made him sleep on a tarp. He hardly slept. If the lines weren't screaming his body was. The years of mixing drugs in his blood made his body ache. After two more years of night terrors and screaming in his sleep his parents were especially desperate. They took him to a private doctor who was doing an old practise. 

When Hanbin researched it later he figured this private doctor was probably just a sadistic torturer in disguise. ECT - commonly called electric shock therapy. He was strapped down. Sedated. Given a rubber block to bite so his tongue stayed in place. 

“It wasn’t just in my head, I felt it everywhere.” Hanbin traced some invisible line along his arm. “My fingers and feet and lungs. I was too drugged to scream even with the gag in my mouth.” 

Jinhwan had sat down on a bench as soon as he could. Hanbin's otherness when he spoke was terrifying. He was hanging on every word. 

“They hated me, my parents. Hated me every second. So I left. To make them happy. I just ran and ran and kept running until I found Bobby.” 

Jinhwan felt his heart get stabbed at the name. He swallowed hard and kept quiet. 

Hanbin was only seventeen when he met Bobby. He was a party boy who found him digging through a restaurant garbage can. Hanbin wanted to cry from shame when the older boy grabbed him and pulled him away. Bobby introduced himself and said he'd been in the same place once. Hanbin believed him. He believed him when he said ‘trust me’ before walking into a store. When Bobby came out running Hanbin followed and couldn't believe his hysteric laughter. 

He believed him when he said he was too jumpy to do anything Bobby did. So he accepted the joint and instantly fell in love with the quiet that came after. Stoned Hanbin could do a lot. Bobby loved stoned Hanbin. Soon they were doing everything together. They did street fights for money. They stole bikes and bags from buses and pawned people's belongings for money until Bobby had enough to become a dealer. Bobby got the apartment with drug money. 

When Hanbin tried to be sober he suffered. He and Bobby would fight. They even fought police officers to keep fighting. Hanbin would spend a few days away. A week in a shelter. But always ended up back. The memories of the doctors and their drugs and treatments. The screaming lines. 

“I figure at least some of me is because of that. I never know if safe to relax. I jump at everything. The drugs help but make me worse I can’t keep anything straight. It was better being stoned. It was better not feeling anything!” 

Hanbin started crying at some point, he’s not sure when. Suddenly Jinhwan was blurry and he had to wiped his eyes. Jinhwan is crying too, Hanbin keeps talking. His whole soul laid bare to the man in front of him as they freeze in the street. 

“No one ever stayed. No one ever wanted me. Not when they figured out I was too fucked up to save. I can't be fixed. I only fuck things up. Donghyuk was right I could have warned him. I knew Junhoe was cheating and I knew they loved each other but I just stayed out of it cause everything I touch fucking shatters. Yunhyeong was fine without me even though he keeps saying he wasn't. He thinks I didn't hear him crying but I hear it along the line. No one will ever want to stay. I'm gunna lose them all like I lost you and I don't want Bobby anymore I just want someone to stay. I don’t fucking deserve anyone but I’m so scared. I’m so alone. I just want someone to see all of me and stay. To want to stay for me.” 

Jinhwan shut his eyes and tears leaked out. He looked at the sky and tried to picture the lines as romantically as he did before. He found himself hating them. Hating what they did to Hanbin. He looked back at Hanbin who was wiping his tears like a child. Palms on eyes and looking at his hands like they were covered in blood. His heart ached. He thought back to the first day, their first shared smile in the alley. Maybe he was doomed since then. He knew he needed to stay. He knew he wanted to stay. He wanted to fix all the hurt inside of Hanbin and replace it with love and beauty. His heart was in his mouth as he spoke.  “I'll stay.” 

Hanbin didn't quite know what he heard. His heart was pounding. The lines were the most quiet they'd been all month. 

“I'll stay, Hanbin.” Jinhwan looked at him. Street lights catching in the tears on his cheeks. It's freezing. Everything feels still.

Jinhwan's floating pink line shot out and wrapped around his chest. The colour deepened to a sharp red. Hanbin’s heart was racing so hard he wanted to vomit. Red. Romantic. Perfect. He had a line. His line connected him to Jinhwan. Jinhwan. Romantic. Perfect. 

Before he can fully think it his mouth is on Jinhwan's and his hands are gripping the smaller man's jaw. Jinhwan gripped his wrists but didn't pull away. Hanbin can't believe he could be so happy with tears falling down his face. 

“I've never…” Hanbin laughed and pressed his forehead to Jinhwan's. “I've never cried from being happy before. I thought it was a myth.”

“You can see colourful lines wherever you go but you didn't believe in happy tears?” Jinhwan laughed and pulled Hanbin closer. They laughed together and Jinhwan kissed him again. 


	14. Stay With Me

Yunhyeong figured he was probably in love with Hanbin for as long as he’d been sleeping on his couch. Not that he really acknowledged it. He buried it, in concern, in the need to keep Hanbin eating. In the drama that was meeting Chanwoo and the memories of his night with Junhoe the feelings were buried in tension. He was in love with Hanbin. Was. He is in love with Donghyuk. Absolutely in love with him. His bright smile, the way he moved when he danced. His beautiful energy and mind. Donghyuk was in love with his soulmate. Yunhyeong couldn’t blame him, it was awkward being jealous of someone he didn’t know. 

Someone now he would never know. 

He wasn’t sure how to manage his feelings for Donghyuk now. He was so frail and damaged from his loss Yunhyeong’s heart ached for him. He wanted to be near him more than ever. He wanted to put smiles back on his face, to see him dance freely. He wanted his heart to leap for joy when he saw him waiting in the park. 

He would never stop being a selfish person. He was selfish with Hanbin, taking care of him so he wouldn’t leave. So Yunhyeong didn’t have to be alone again. And here he was, viciously selfish willing to throw down everything to take care of Donghyuk so he too - would never leave. He gathered the things he needed to make supper at Donghyuk’s place and headed out. 

Donghyuk liked helping with supper. There was something simple and comforting about preparing food. It was one of the reasons Yunhyeong wanted to become a chef. A simple wish to make something delicious for others, to make them happy while they ate it. Donghyuk slept better than usual, the lingering effects of the line-snap created a cycle of insomnia. Yunhyeong found it easy to join him. They would walk around the empty 3am streets, just watching each other’s exhales in puffs against the icy air. Or Donghyuk would dance. Yunhyeong would watch him, slowly expressing the depths of his loss in incredible routines that would never be repeated. A private show that brought tears to his eyes. 

After supper was cooked and eaten, and dishes were drying by the sink. Yunhyeong chewed his lip a little bit as he watched Donghyuk curl up on his couch. His heart isn’t pounding, but he knew it was time. 

“Dongdong,” Yunhyeong’s voice came out low and soothing. The nickname he overheard Donghyuk’s mom calling him seemed cuter when he said it. 

“Yunnie?” Donghyuk’s voice still seemed too small. Yunnie was Donghyuk’s desperate attempt to give him a cute name back. It made his heart flutter.

“Have you… changed your mind at all about… soulmates?” 

Donghyuk reacts instantly but tries not to. Yunhyeong can almost see the cartoon shiver squiggle around him. 

“I still…. I still think no one will ever complete you like a soul mate.” Donghyuk said and shook his head like some hair was in his eyes. “Has… has Hanbin told you who yours is?” 

“Yeah, he did.” Yunhyeong said and looked at his hands. “I think it proves you wrong.” 

Donghyuk looked wounded and Yunhyeong reached out to take Donghyuk’s hands to caress them gently. 

“My soulmate is a druggie. A shitty boyfriend and a manipulator and I'm fairly certain I'll punch him in the face next time I see him for how he treated Hanbin.” Yunhyeong said softly. “Sometimes it's better not knowing. You can go on imaging they were beautiful. Pure. Perfect.” 

“Your soulmate is Hanbin’s abusive ex?” 

Yunhyeong nodded. “And Chanwoo’s soulmate cheated on him for a year.” 

Donghyuk wiped a tear away from his eye and folded his hands under his arms to protect them from Yunhyeong. “So what did you want to prove by saying that? That I’m better off like this?” 

“You complete me more than my soulmate ever could.” Yunhyeong said shyly, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. “You said before that you had a sense of innate love when you thought of your soulmate.”

“And you said you didn’t know what love felt like.” Donghyuk said, his throat was filling with emotion, he needed to use it to keep himself from choking on them. 

“I think I’m getting a sense of it now.” Yunhyeong locked eyes with him and Donghyuk felt his wounded heart ache with life. 

Donghyuk could still feel the lingering damage from his broken line. He still cried without warning. His dreams were collections of longing and heartbreak that made him wake up crying. He didn't know if he would ever be whole enough to be worth loving again. Whole enough to love someone again. 

“I don't know if I can ever… if I'll ever be able to give my heart to anyone ever again. If this is heartbreak I can't. Yunhyeong I can't.” Donghyuk felt a sob creep up from deep inside his gut. He tried to push it away with a deep shaky exhale. 

“What if I promise never to break it?” 

The pain of holding back was too much. Donghyuk sobbed into his hand and Yunhyeong exhaled out his nerves to pull him into a hug. Donghyuk's buried his face into Yunhyeong's shoulder. Yunhyeong could feel the dancer’s tears through his shirt. 

“Donghyuk.” Yunhyeong said softly. “I promise to never break it.” 

“If anyone else said that I wouldn't be able to believe it.” Donghyuk laughed a little as he cried. 

Yunhyeong smiled a little and pressed his cheek against Donghyuk's head. 

Chanwoo’s heart was pounding as he opened the door. He's not sure what to expect. What to say. The apartment smelled familiar. The lingering scent of coffee and toast and him and Junhoe together. Junhoe was sitting at the table. His eyes bloodshot like he had been crying. Chanwoo set down his luggage and tossed his keys on the counter. He locked eyes with Junhoe. Both of them look awful. Before Chanwoo could take off his shoes Junhoe was standing, he walked over and wrapped himself around Chanwoo. 

“You were supposed to cry first.” Junhoe whispered softly. “I'm sorry.” 

“You were always the emotional one,” Chanwoo replied softly and Junhoe laughed a little. 

Chanwoo pulled him in closer and took a deep breath. Junhoe smelled like his body wash. He buried his face into Junhoe's neck and finally felt a sob trickle out of his throat. Junhoe was making himself smell like him. At the sound Junhoe nuzzled in and let Chanwoo sob into his neck. A year of heartbreak finally leaking out. 

“I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.” Junhoe whispered and pressed his face against Chanwoo's. “I'm so fucked up I’m so sorry.” 

Chanwoo felt a warmth in his heart that he had been missing for almost a year. He sobbed into an exhale and then pulled back. 

“You need go get help,”

Junhoe nodded and wiped his tears. 

“We’ll try again. From the beginning.” 

Junhoe nodded again and steadied his breathing. 

Chanwoo wiped his own eyes and laughed a little. “God I forgot you were even pretty when you cried. So annoying.” 

Junhoe laughed a little and Chanwoo leaned forward to wrap his arms around Junhoe's shoulders and kissed Junhoe's damp cheekbone. 


	15. Where You Belong

In the weeks that followed, Hanbin moved into a new apartment with Jinhwan the same time Yunhyeong moved in with Donghyuk. It was hard for them at first. Yunhyeong had become so used to taking care of Hanbin and having him near realizing he had someone else to take care of him was a slow process. Hanbin got another job, in a warehouse loading trucks. There was always noise, things to sort. Words on boxes to learn and repeat. Nothing breakable. He kept quiet and worked hard and quickly became endeared to his new boss who would bring in a new word on paper for Hanbin to learn. He seemed to nurture Hanbin’s fragile mind with things that made him happy. Complicated words on paper, magazines with photos of exotic places. 

He always spent his mornings with Jinhwan. The barista would practise new drinks for the cafe and get Hanbin to try them. They'd read the paper and talk about the drama Jinhwan’s employees brought to work with him. Boy drama. Hanbin listened and felt sympathy. Once his life was like that. Complicated. Difficult. Painful. 

“Oh shit. Hanbin! Is this your ex?” 

Hanbin’s heart went cold when he thought of Bobby still. He walked over to where Jinhwan was pointing to an engagement announcement in the paper. 

“Yeah, that's him.” Hanbin said softly as he stared at Bobby’s face. He remember years ago when he last saw Bobby smile like that in person. 

“He got himself some sort of sugar momma,” Jinhwan laughed a little as he read the article. “Not that she's old, it says they're both 24, but I mean. God she's worth millions, she's set to take over as CEO.” 

Hanbin was still staring at the picture, Jinhwan looked up at his face. Unsure what to make of his expression. He folded the paper over. 

“Do you think he actually loves her?” Jinhwan asked with a little purse of his lips. 

“I don't think it matters.” Hanbin said with a shrug. 

Jinhwan sucked in his breath and laughed a little. “Heartless.” 

Hanbin shrugged and Jinhwan stood to wrap him up in a hug. “It's okay if you really loved him.” 

“Jinhwan,” Hanbin pulled his boyfriend away from him to look into his eyes. “I can honest to God say I did not know what love was before I met you.” Jinhwan got that stupid smile Hanbin loved. When he was being charming and Jinhwan's heart fluttered. He leaned in and kissed him. His tongue played with Jinhwan’s lip and the replying nibble from Jinhwan set his blood on fire. “Are you okay if I make you late for work?” 

“Absolutely,” Jinhwan grinned and pulled Hanbin by the shirt towards their bedroom. 

Yunhyeong's and Donghyuk's first kiss was at 2:45am the third night they were together in the loft. Donghyuk still had trouble sleeping. Yunhyeong always seemed to know when he needed company. Yunhyeong had just finished making them hot chocolate from scratch. Matching cups. Yunhyeong’s domestic affection was shown in little things like this. Donghyuk walked over and pulled him slightly just before he picked up the two mugs.

Donghyuk gripped him and looked into his eyes a long while. “I love you.” 

Yunhyeong didn't want to ruin the moment, but his heart was screaming and he suddenly felt too emotional to speak. Donghyuk leaned forward before Yunhyeong could get his vocal cords in order and kissed him. Yunhyeong's hand found its way to the back of Donghyuk's neck and held him gently. He's lightheaded, and his knees weakened slightly as Donghyuk's tongue played with his lip. Curious. Yunhyeong pulled him in tighter, his jaw tense against Donghyuk’s as he kissed him desperately. His heart aching with relief. Donghyuk let out something of a moaning whimper as his knees went weak with Yunhyeong’s skilled kiss. 

“I love you.” Donghyuk said again softly. Their lips barely separated. 

“I love you too. So much.” Yunhyeong laughed and then felt a tear leak out and he laughed again. “God I'm pathetic.” 

“You are  perfect .” Donghyuk smiled and kissed him again. Yunhyeong replied even less politely than before. 

Yunhyeong was so caught up in the move, and then getting used to his new routine and savouring every moment he had with Donghyuk. Indulging in their budding sexual relationship, Donghyuk needed time and patience. Yunhyeong would have waited years. Donghyuk as it turned out, could not. Once he had mentioned to Hanbin that he thought Yunhyeong would be good in bed. He was overwhelmed with how poorly that expressed the reality. Yunhyeong was incredible. 

Almost two months had passed with only phone calls and texts between Yunhyeong and Hanbin. Yunhyeong decided a dinner party was in order. He debated hosting it himself, but when he talked about it to his good friend at work they said they would instead. 

“You're always doing everything for everyone else. You've covered my last three shifts so I could go to my kid’s dance lessons. I owe you big time. Let me host.” 

Yunhyeong was overwhelmed with gratitude. He invited everyone he thought would be good to see. Some of Donghyuk’s friends he’d come to care for. A few friends from work who missed Hanbin, even Junhoe and Chanwoo, he missed talking to the excited to learn Chanwoo. He kept in touch a little, but Chanwoo had less free time. All his efforts were spent on repairing his relationship with Junhoe. It was going good. They started a couple’s art class and were filling their barren walls with memories. 

Yunhyeong's coworker offered up his pretty home just on the edge of town. It was decorated for Christmas and looked like a magazine. Yunhyeong arrived first and had to be pulled out of the kitchen by Donghyuk when people started arriving. 

Hanbin looked around the house and muttered at himself. It was pretty. Overdone. Surreal. Opulent. Jinhwan and the others were talking to the wife of the host about the architecture and was completely amused watching Hanbin look around. The lines here weren't heavy like the middle of the city. They were calm these days. His heart was calm. He was starting to think the two were related. He found an empty couch in the connecting room and sat down. His brain clouded over with thought. 

He never thought he'd live a life where he dressed in pretty soft clothes. Attended a private dinner party with luxury catering with a boyfriend who made him feel as lucky to be alive as he felt in love. 

“Hey,” Donghyuk leaned over a little to look at Hanbin's face as he sat. 

Hanbin didn't know how to reply. Suddenly he was back in the apartment and Donghyuk was yelling at him. He twitched a little as he stood, his skin prickling.

“Donghyuk-I”

Donghyuk pulled Hanbin into a hug before he could finish speaking. “I missed you.”

“I'm sorry. I should have-” 

Donghyuk shushed him. He knew exactly what Hanbin wanted to apologize for. Maybe a few months ago he wouldn't have been able to handle it. Now his heart was wrapped carefully and protected by nights with Yunhyeong. Nights of tears, some nights of laughter, and increasing nights of kisses and skin on skin. 

“Maybe,” Donghyuk said with a nod. “But it wouldn't have changed the result. You couldn't have stopped them from dying.” 

“I didn't have to let you be alone.” Hanbin played with the edge of his knit sweater. 

“Hanbin,” Donghyuk sighed softly. “You can't blame yourself because life is cruel and random. You can't control these things. Focus on the good and now. We have to keep moving forward. Okay?” 

“Okay,” Hanbin nodded and smiled a little. 

Donghyuk smiled and hugged Hanbin again. Over his shoulder he saw Jinhwan laughing with Chanwoo and Yunhyeong. “Is that the cafe guy?” 

“Yeah,” 

“Good for you babe.” Donghyuk laughed and pulled Hanbin away to look around him again. 

The pair was called over and they went over quickly to join the group. Junhoe was relaxed today, getting used to the circle of friends that knew everything that had happened but didn't seem to mind. Yunhyeong put an arm around Donghyuk's hips and held him tight. Hanbin sat on another couch and Jinhwan took a seat in his lap. Hanbin looked at the spin of lines. 

Junhoe and Chanwoo’s would always have a series of knots. They had suffered but they were getting better together. Junhoe had counselling once a week at first, but had dropped down to monthly visits. They had counselling together too. He felt barely any urges to run off now, replacing them with nights with Chanwoo instead. It wasn't always sex too, sometimes they'd stayed up all night playing video games. Watching movies curled together on the couch. For now the fear of not being together was still enough to keep them both happy together. 

Donghyuk’s line wrapped itself neatly around Donghyuk's wrist. Sometimes if they were holding hands it almost seemed like the line would wrap around Yunhyeong's wrist too. Yunhyeong's loose purple line floated into the distance. Still connected to the man who no longer lived across the hall. 

Hanbin liked his own line the most. Pulled tight to the giggling man in his lap. Perfect. He smiled and pulled Jinhwan tighter against him and kissed his face. Jinhwan smiled and looked at him like he always did. Like he was beautiful. Like he was perfect. Like he was in love. A buzz along the line told him it was true. It echoed the little whispers around the room. 

I love you.

I love you. 

I'm glad you're mine. 


End file.
